The Little Rouge One
by Psychobikerjunkiewhore
Summary: The crew accidentally stumble upon across another human, all is not as it seems with the young damsel. Rimmer fluff and angst. First Dwarf -- fic Fear.
1. Awakening

**_Authors Note: I don't own any of Red Dwarf blah blah blah. I do however adore Rimmer so if you don't like Rimmer having nice things happen to him don't read this fic. At least I warned you ….. This is my first Dwarf fic – so please please review and give me something to work on, good or bad :) _****_ thanks for reading X_ **

The last human alive was balanced carefully on his amp as he searched for a reason, his guitar was presumed missing in action as his crewmates had hidden it over a month ago making his amp the only object he truly felt comfortable with. Lister pressed his nose against the bedroom window and stared out into the dark world that surrounded him. Empty beer cans lay strewn around the floor; a feline like creature was nestled on the top bunk purring quietly in his sleep.

"You know when you look at it. Space that is. Its very …. Well spacey isn't it?" he whined "I mean how long have we been floating around here now. Years. Years and years in space. Nothing out there, nobody out there. Floating without a purpose, without a plan. Is it day? Is it night? It's always just black. Darkness and no purpose."

Lister crushed the empty lager can in his hand and flung it to the floor with the others, he stared over at the table where another can was waiting to be drained but it seemed too far away so he turned back to the window and cracked his forehead against it one more time.

"I'm sure it's not worth dwelling on Dave. I don't" The deadpan voice of the computer snapped Lister from his daydream, as he turned round in horror.

"Holly, you should be dwelling on it all the time! It's your job to get us out of this space thing! You have had an entire week to focus and have brought us out of stasis to tell us you were bored!"

"Have you ever sat around here for a week with no one but a neurotic android to talk to. I may not be human Dave but I am humane! I needed something to occupy my time"

"Gettin' us back to earth should be your occupation Holly"

"Well everyone deserves a bit of time off" Holly grumbled. "Its not easy you know and half the time its not even interesting"

Lister frowned and stared at the Cat, after a full weeks sleep he had taken 4 naps since coming out of stasis. Kryten had been fussing around them, clearly delighted at having someone to care for once more and was now down in the laundry room re-ironing their bed sheets in order to perfect his hospital corners.

"Where is Rimmer anyway? I thought his smug git-like face would have been here to welcome me back"

"Hes … erm. Sorry Dave can I get back to you on this one, I am trying to navigate us back to earth here"

Holly vanished from the screen quickly and left a sign present stating 'Do not Disturb'. Lister jumped from his amp and walked over to the monitor with his arms folded.

"Holly .. What have you done with Rimmer?"

"Me? Why would I have done anything with Rimmer?"

"Because you look about as innocent as a puppy sat beside a huge pile of shit that's why, has something gone wrong with the hologram unit?"

"Not exactly… I switched him off. Minutes after you went into stasis he started Morris dancing and boasting of how he could listen to his Hammond Organ music. I switched him off immediately and just haven't got round to switching him back on yet"

"What! You switched him off without his consent? He's been off for an entire week, all this time?" Holly nodded and watched as Lister's face broke into a huge grin that touched both ears. "Yeeeeeeeees! Nice one Hols."

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When Cat awoke and Lister had slept off his 8 cans of lager Kryten proceeded to update them about the events that led them to being woken early.

"As you know sirs the planetoid we landed on was found to be highly toxic and after a few tests we discovered that you and the Cat would have most certainly choked to death within minutes of landing, so … smug mode initiated … it was a damn fine job that I won that coin toss and you were put into stasis, which did indeed save your lives."

Lister pulled a face and swigged at his coffee. "Yeah alright Kryten we aren't worthy, so did you find the ship? Anything worth looting?"

"Yeah" screeched the Cat "After all that time I was locked away there better have been something good on that ship bud, do you know what my hair was like when I woke up? You ever had a bed head rubber features?"

" Er …. After searching the planet we found the vessel we had been tracking only to find all the crew dead." Kryten mumbled. "They clearly hadn't done a correct reading of the atmosphere before landing. It was carnage Sir. So many dead"

"Yeah!" Holly interceded, "It was about as kicking as a Phil Collins concert"

"Quite" Kryten agreed, "However I am glad to report that we did find supplies of food and weapons plus some lovely little lace handkerchiefs that I will distribute soon and a little lady to pop over the toilet roll. I was most pleased"

"There was something else" Holly grinned, "Just a little something else. While Kryten checked around the cargo I logged into the ships mainframe and discovered something else"

Holly waited for a few minutes, trying to stare Lister out into begging him for the vital information. "Well don't you want to know what else?" he finally asked.

"Yeah Holly, but I don't want to give you the satisfaction of asking four hundred times only to find out that by the time you remember you had something important to tell me, you will have completely forgotten what it was and most likely we will be in mortal danger!"

"So you want to know then?" Holly pressed his face growing more confused as he thought over Listers last sentence.

"Yes! What the smeg else do you have to tell me?" he growled, pushing away his coffee.

"Man you are not a morning person are you bud?" Cat grinned, "I mean hell I thought I was cranky when being woken up but you … whoooosh"

"Sirs if I might interrupt this bickering session" Kryten grinned, "We found a pod. At least we think it is a pod, we are still doing checks. From what we can tell as they hit the atmosphere someone close to the stasis pods managed to jump inside one and save themselves"

"A stasis pod?" Lister was confused, "Do you mean someone can put themselves into stasis and propel themselves into space?"

"Correct sir, I believe it to be an earlier form of stasis where the user believed that in the event of untimely death the best option would be to just pop into space and hope to be found. This idea fell on the wrong side of popular due to many incidents where people were never recovered or simply exploded after a certain period of time. In this instance whoever managed to climb inside was able to start the sequence but never actually managed to leave the ship"

"So what are we waiting for?" asked Lister, "lets go crack open that nut and see who made it out?"

"Already began sir, due to the pods security it will take twenty four hours in order to load up and revive the life form. There is 8 hours left until we will learn anything more. Until then I suggest we sort out the supplies and check the new weapons."

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"Kryten is there really _nothing_ we can do?"

Lister stared at the small light bee in his hand he felt close to tears, it was giving off a small faint light every few seconds. "I mean how do we stop this from happening? This was never meant to happen. I promised myself this wouldn't happen to me.".

"I'm sorry sir, I can't stop it now. Once the sequence has begun that is it, it will all be over in a few minutes and then we can take stock. I'm sorry"

Kryten drummed his fingers against his chest nervously and glared at the light bee its light growing brighter and more frequent in its bursts of energy.

"So that's it then. He's really turning back on." Lister threw the light bee upon the table in the same manner that he would throw a salad in the bin, 'Fan-smegging-tastic. I am actually going to kill Cat, I am technically his owner .. I am going to have him neutered".

"I don't think Mister Cat meant any harm, he just didn't realise what he was pressing. Believe me he is suffering more than any of us."

Lister grimaced; it was true. Telling Cat that he was personally responsible for bringing Rimmer back when they had all agreed to have another few months without his annoying presence hadn't been pleasant.

"God! He did not take that well did he? I never want to see a grown man weep like that again, is he still in the medi-bay?"

"Er yes sir, I gave him a strong sedative to calm his nerves, he was quite hysterical. All talk of giving it all up, destroying his clothes and living a completely humble and unselfish existence away from all other life forms in the store rooms"

"Yeah well I am considering that myself at the minute Kryten"

Lister stared through his fingers with sheer despair as the light bee lifted itself into the air and began to emit an image of a man. Lister spun round to check the screens and watched as all of Rimmer's characteristics were booted up, it didn't take long. Within seconds Rimmer was there and fully functional, Lister groaned again watching Rimmer jump forwards, nostrils flaring and anger sparking in his eyes.

"What the smeg just happened?" he cried.

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	2. Sadness

_**Just a short update – big one coming next. As with most stories and most authors it's the same old story as the more reviews I get the faster I will write, stupid but psychologically if I know people are waiting I will work faster. Hope everyone enjoys it. Thanks. X**_

"Rimmer for the last time, I had nothing to do with it" Lister threw his arms up in despair, his eyes following the raging hologram, he had been sitting here listening to Rimmer accuse him of everything from personally switching him off … to plotting to destroy him and all of his dreams and goals. "It was Holly, I was in stasis. You put me in there yourself. You pressed the button!" he cried, "How can I have had anything to do with it? As far as I knew you were needed to help Kryten loot that ship because it was safe, because you wouldn't have died like I would have!"

"Yes, that's because I am dead Lister. Dead as a dodo, thanks for reminding me! And it's always something to do with you! I've just spent an entire week not existing; do you know how that feels Lister? That I can just be switched on and off like some sex aide" Rimmer gave up and threw himself upon the nearest chair and stared at the stasis pod. "Kryten, how much longer is this going to take?" he demanded rubbing at his H irritably.

"It shouldn't be more than another half an hour or so sir. All is going well"

"Nothing goes well in this ship" Rimmer grumbled, "If its not senile computers playing god its superior officers are being given as much respect as a community police officer."

Lister pulled a face and stood up, "You are a second technician Rimmer, and in your absence it was reported by the skutters that all the vending machines worked fine. Tut and to think, we could have done another few months without you!" Flashing Rimmer a dirty look he left the room and motioned for Kryten to follow him.

Rimmer didn't even bother to reply, he closed his eyes and mulled sadly on his situation. On one hand he could sit Lister down and explain just how unsettling and terrifying it felt to be so disposable, so easily switched off and that to make matters worse Lister and the Cat had been woken and had enjoyed a hearty dinner and drinks before Lister even realised Rimmer wasn't around. On reflection though explaining anything to Lister seemed an altogether too difficult and dangerous situation, he was sure he would only be laughed at and made to feel even worse so what was the point? Rimmer looked around the medi bay and asked himself the same question he has asked ever since he had been revived by Holly so many years ago: Would it have been better if he has been left to rest in peace. Instead of the shadow he was now, the only small joy he got out of life now was that he was a hard light hologram which came with a few benefits but he still felt like a ghost. Unable to connect with anyone around him he was a laughing stock, each day just felt like more and more of a struggle and it was getting harder and harder to keep up the act of being in control. With a sigh he walked over to the pod and reached his hand out towards it, feeling its cold surface chill his fingers slightly "What's the point in reaching out to anything?" he whispered to himself, blinking back tears he left the room. Everything was so bloody funny to them. He would make them pay.

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Lister stormed down the corridor in a rage, "Why does he always think the worse of me? Why does he manage to make me feel so smegging guilty for something I haven't done?" spotting an empty crate up ahead Lister kicked it will all his might and punched the button allowing him entry to the bunk room.

"Well if I might make one suggestion sir" Kryten started.

"Don't" Lister sighed, "I know. That was harsh. Scale of one to ten?"

"I would say an eleven. You know I don't like defending Mr Rimmer not unless I am forced to. But he does seem to have been a little down of late and I don't think this latest 'joke' will be forgotten easily."

"Argh" Lister cried throwing himself onto his bunk, "I can't even fix this now. He does this all the time, gets me so mad that I just lash out and now I feel like a complete and total gimboid"

"I don't know sir." Kryten mumbled.

"It's not like he would accept an apology even if I offered it. I am not going in there to be made to feel like a twat"

Kryten shook his head at the deadlock situation between the two men and continued about his duties, "Well in half an hour or so that pod will open and I am sure all this will be forgotten in the excitement of a new crewmember"

"Yeah. I hope so Kryts"


	3. Arrival

Kryten walked from the bunks back to the drive room and checked their position. They were a few hours away from the planet they had taken the stasis pod from, they had figured that whoever or whatever came out of the pod might be able to give them more information about the ship and hopefully they could make more sense of what had happened on board. It had been clear to Kryten that it hadn't been a normal mining ship, their science labs had a lot of questionable procedures in place and while he had managed to pilfer a lot of medical supplies he still felt very uncomfortable about the things he had seen.

"Alert alert" Holly bounced around all the screens on board, "Guys quick. Something just came out of the pod. It's damn fast and headed for the canteen"

"What?" Kryten flicked into panic mode, "It's not due yet! Where are Mister Lister and the Cat?"

"I don't know what has happened; it seems the timer on the pod was slow or fast. I don't know one of the two, either way its out and it is not happy"

"Is it still in the canteen" Kryten asked changing direction and running to fetch a weapon. "Can you see what it is?"

"Yeah, It hasn't stayed still long enough for me to get a good luck, this thing is faster than a bat out of hell. I'm going to seal it in the canteen now" Holly nodded, "I will tell Dave to meet you there pronto!"

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"What the smeg is it?" Lister cried watching as fist shaped lumps appeared in the doors in front of him, "Can it get through the door? That's a big dent".

A loud shriek was heard from the other side of the door, Cat covered his ears in pain. "I don't like this" he cried pitifully, "Its killing my ears, what is it?"

"You aren't going to believe this" Holly was blinking rapidly, "It's a girl, a woman. Bringing up the picture now"

Lister, Kryten and the Cat peered at the screen, the canteen looked like a warzone there wasn't a single table or chair in place. Yet the thing that shocked them the most was the small girl sat in the middle of the carnage. Dressed in army trousers and a white tank top she was covered in cuts and bruises and caked with mud. Two clear white lines fell from her eyes to her chin where her tears had wiped the mud off.

One of her arms was bandaged up haphazardly yet she looked like an ordinary human until she stood up and ripped the juke box from the wall with no difficulty at all and hurled at the door. Lister jumped from shock as a loud bang shook the doors in front of him. All eyes turned back to the screen as she let out a high pitched scream that sent Cat to the floor covering his ears once more. Lister peered at her she was young, say early twenties it was impossible to see her hair colour as she was covered in mud and god knows what else but she looked healthy, tall and slim she was searching around for a way to get out of the room.

"I don't understand, couldn't you smell she was human?" Lister stared at the Cat, "and why is she so strong? She could give Schwarzenegger a run for his money!"

"She doesn't smell human, something isn't right" Cat rubbed his ears some more and winced, "No human can make a noise like that" he grumbled.

"I don't know sir" Kryten stared at the girl pacing up and down the room, "To hazard a guess I would say it has something to do with the science labs on board the other ship, I don't know any way of finding out without speaking to her and she doesn't look in a very mixing mood"

"Shoot it" Cat cried, "Can't we knock her out and tie her up or something, anything to stop her screaming like that again"

"She's not an animal guy, that's a human being in there. I'm going to talk to her"

"Er Mister Lister, I strongly oppose this idea. Look how violent she is, god knows what she's capable of" Kryten tried his best to hold Lister back but as usual he knew he couldn't stop him. "At least stay armed sir"

"Hello" Lister cried through the door, "Hello, listen I am going to open the door now, step backwards and just let me talk to you okay?"

Silence came from the other side of the door; Lister pressed in the door code and cocked his weapon. He might want to find something good on the other side of the door but he wasn't taking any smegging chances. As the door peeled back they all stuck their heads in and stared around the gloomy place, "Holly lights" Kryten asked and stared around in fear as the room illuminated. "Where is she?" Cat asked peering around the door. A noise from the left gave her location away and upon being seen she jumped to her feet and made to run.

"Wait wait" Lister cried slowly lowering his weapon, "Look, just wait. Talk to us, who are you?" Lister noticed how uncomfortable she was, there was something animalistic in her movements, her eyes darted about looking for an escape route yet she remained still, finally locking her eyes upon them stepped forward menacingly towards them.

"I don't know who I am" she looked at a deep wound on her arm and started to pick at it. "I don't remember" her eyes filled with tears and she looked around her in fear again. "All I remember is pain. It hurts"

"Er Ma'am if you would allow me, I would like to clean that wound on your arm" Kryten stepped forward gently. "It will only take a minute."

The girl looked at the wound on her arm in shock once more and stared at through watery eyes. "Who are you?" she stammered allowing Kryten to gently lift her arm up. She barely winced as Kryten pulled a chunk of metal from the wound, "My name is Kryten, and this is Mister Lister and the Cat, we live here you are on Red Dwarf. Permit me to escort you to our medical bay and I can have this cleaned up in a second". The girl visibly softened and almost fell against Kryten with exhaustion as she allowed herself to be led from the canteen.

"Lister! Lister" Rimmer cried running towards them, "Its gone, its open the pod .. " Rimmer skidded to a halt in front of them and stared at the girl, his sudden shout had scared her and within seconds Kryten had been sent flying back towards the canteen doors.

"Woah, Calm calm. Rimmer don't move" Lister cried jumping out of her way, "Its okay, he's one of us. No one is going to hurt you"

The girl panicked, her eyes darting around her once more she turned to run but the Cat jumped in her way, "Calm down little lady, we want to help" he smiled. The girl lifted Cat neatly off his feet and dragged him along the floor with her as she ran.

"Stop" Rimmer cried and tried to move out of her way, however it was clear she wasn't suffering fools and she smashed her tiny fist into Rimmer, Lister winced as he watched Rimmer's head crack against a wall. Rimmer cried out in pain and grabbed his stomach in shock, hold his head in pain and crumple to the floor.

Almost ready to give chase Lister stopped dead in his tracks as she ran at a wall and jumped off it, dropping Cat in a heap on the floor she leapt from wall to wall and completely out of sight.

"Sir, I think we need to get Cat to the medic bay and then proceed to capture her" Kryten lifted Cat in his arms and began walking towards the Medical bay. Lister stared down the corridor after her then turned back to Rimmer and helped support him. "You okay?" he asked.

"What was that?" Rimmer groaned.

"Well that was our new shipmate." Lister grinned, "Pretty cool huh?"

"Cool?" Rimmer croaked, "She's just destroyed all of us in one hit, how can you even consider her as a human, she is a monster"

"What is more concerning is wondering what has happened to her for her to be so full of pain and fear. We need to find her and soon. Come on man"


	4. Caught

"What happened?" Cat groaned, he blinked and looked around. "Medical Bay – Oh thank god I am alive. How am I looking?" with a sigh he fell back upon the bed and listened to the reassuring beep of machines around him.

"You're fine Sir, Just a little concussed" Kryten smiled, "Best to remain still for awhile, don't worry I have seen to it that your hair has been washed and curled beautifully while you were out cold. I have also given you a manicure and whitened your teeth."

"Where is that crazy bitch?" Cat growled the events of the day suddenly coming back to him all at once, "Where is Lister?"

"Mr Lister and Rimmer are off searching the cargo decks now. They believe she has headed that way and its probably best that we don't all jump around her at once again. It wasn't very successful last time"

"That's because goalpost head came running in and scared her" Cat settled back down and stared at the ceiling. "Wonder what she's doing right now?"

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"Look calm down" Lister whispered, "Its going to be fine. Just breathe easy and it will be okay" Lister tried his hardest to console Rimmer that they weren't about to die as they were both faced with the girl once more.

"Lister, she has a look in her eye. A rabid deranged look. She's looking at me. Directly at me. In fact I think its safe to say she doesn't like me very much" Rimmer was backed right up against the wall and didn't drop her gaze. Part of him wanted to turn and run as far away from this deranged girl but there was something about her eyes that kept him in place. Every part of him was shaking with fear which seemed ridiculous as she couldn't kill him, but as he had just found out she could hurt him.

"What do you want?" she finally asked, "Please just leave me"

"We want to help you" Lister pleaded, "Help you remember who you are, help you get where you are going. We rescued you from that ship – we want to know more about the ship and what went on there. Trust me, we are not going to hurt you"

"You're not like the others?" she whispered, "They hurt me. They did something to me. I am not the same anymore"

"Will you let me find out what they did to you?" Lister walked slowly towards her and held his hand out. "Trust me?"

Rimmer watched as she walked over to Lister and stared into his eyes, "You're friend, I hurt him. I hurt both of them." He eyes filled with tears again, "I didn't mean it. I just felt scared, I ran. I don't know why I can do this, I can't control it"

"Its okay" Lister smiled, "They are fine. They want to help you as well. Come on follow me, you must be hungry"

Lister started to walk off, his weapon thrown over his shoulder casually he looked at Rimmer then back at the girl and continued to walk perfectly assured that she would follow him. She did, up until she reached Rimmer then she reached out to him and touched his chest, "Hologram" she whispered. "I am sorry I hit you."

Rimmer could barely breathe, having something he was curious about yet so afraid of this close to his body made him shake. "My name is Rimmer" he finally stuttered, "Not Hologram" he knew it was pointless, if the girl was concussed and confused then she wouldn't be thinking straight yet calling him a hologram seemed too blunt and rude he felt a need to defend himself.

"Rimmer" she whispered, "Sorry". Rimmer lifted his hand and removed hers from his chest holding it a little bit too long as he appreciated the soft and warm skin of a woman. "I don't feel too good, will you help me?" she groaned and threw up down his shirt, Rimmer jumped quickly to catch her as she collapsed and lifted her gently in his arms.

"Nice one Rimmer – I knew you were smooth but vomiting on a first date, I didn't think you could master that." Lister's laugh was loud and hearty as he walked off towards the medical unit, then stopped and turned to see Rimmer looking awkward, he was holding her body away from his and seemed unsure what to do, "Here dya want me to take her?" he offered.

Rimmer stared at the girl in his arms; "No, no she asked me for help. I will carry her; just warn Kryten we are on our way will you?" He could smell her vomit all over him but for once didn't have a sarcastic comment to throw out. Just the tiny weight of her in his arms made him realise she was young, alone and frightened, she needed someone and he was happy to be that someone, it wasn't like he had anything else to do anyway. Holding her tightly to his body he followed Lister in silence, never taking his eyes off her face.


	5. Confusion

Rimmer stared down at the girl she seemed so quiet and peaceful now; Kryten has sedated her an hour or so earlier and had taken the Cat and Lister to check out the results of several tests surrounding her. Rimmer had been sat with her quietly since they left, privately he was terrified that if he left she would stop breathing, he was pretty sure if she was going to die there would be nothing he could do to stop it, yet sitting here holding her hand he felt like he was doing something useful. The others wouldn't understand and felt his time would be better spent researching with the others but whatever the others thought of him he wasn't about to let the girl wake up alone and with no idea where she was – even if he wasn't who she would like to see first, he would be there anyway. Kryten had taken blood, x-rays and cat scans in order to get a better idea of what had happened to the girl, they still didn't have a clue where she was from or what her name was but it was clear to all of them that Kryten was failing keep his worry under control.

Rimmer sighed and lifted a wet rag to her face once more, carefully wiping the last of the mud from her body. He carefully applied some antiseptic to her cuts; he was humming quietly under his breath and found himself feeling very strange. Earlier today he had been seething with anger and self pity yet now he felt nothing, nothing but concern for her. This was the most amount of time he had spent alone with a woman in over 3 million years, he admitted that he wouldn't be feeling this cool or in control if she had been conscious but he definitely felt comfortable at this moment in time. All the pain of Lister's jokes earlier had left him now. To keep himself sane he had found himself talking to her and pretending she was answering him, too long in space he smiled to himself. Rubbing at his H one more time he reached out and touched her skin, she felt a little cold.

Leaning over he checked her temperature and looked around for a blanket. "I hope you wake up soon" he whispered, gently tucking a blanket round her body. "I don't like this feeling. It's very weird not thinking about myself." He rose to his feet and walked around the room, "I should be seeking revenge you know that don't you? I mean I have just told you all about it. I should be finding something dear to Lister and destroying it, not sat here with you covered in vomit and wishing you would wake up." He stared back down at his clothes and shuddered, "Holly can I get a costume change please?" Rimmer smiled as for once his orders were carried out without the usual sarcasm and looked down at his new emerald green suit. Turning back towards the girl he stared waiting for her to wake and wasn't surprised that she didn't move he started to feel nervous he might have bored her into a coma. Lister wouldn't let that go easily. With a sigh Rimmer sat back down beside her, "You take as long as you need."

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"Cat what have you got for me?" Lister shouted swivelling his chair around to face his friend, "Anything yet? I can't find anything more from this pod or the ship"

"Sure have bud, got her ID number from her trousers, her name is Paige. No second name on file, no promotions. All of this doesn't make sense. Says she is human – born on earth yet signed up for a year mission, no previous experience in space, then nothing. This was years and years ago. Its almost like she didn't exist, she's been in stasis for 2 million years. It doesn't even have a log of her having ship leave or any missions complete. It's like a name and nothing more." Cat scratched his head, "Wait, medical records coming up now"

"That's so weird", Lister mused reaching for his cigarettes, "Usually there is more than just a name. I mean my ship log is 5 folders thick and that was because of Rimmer and his smegging reports, everything you do on a ship each mission, each medical, each haircut is noted. There is no way she could have been on a ship and not have been noticed for over a year"

"Oh she was noticed alright sir" Kryten's face was ashen as he walked into the cockpit, "I think you had better come and look at this"

"Wait, Medical records, she's 23, female and … oh my god" Cat rubbed at his eyes wildly, "She's dead? How can that be?"

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Paige opened her eyes slowly and pulled the room into focus she felt calm and secure there was a voice that had been keeping her safe. The voice was still talking; she turned her head slightly and saw a man stood with his back to her. "Then it turned out Lister hadn't passed his chefs examination at all! All that panic for nothing and things pretty much resumed as normal after that, I didn't see that there was much to learn from the situation. In fact I think it was very beneficial for Lister to realise he cannot rise above his rank". Paige blinked again and stared; he was tall and stocky, not fat but certainly looked built. His hair was wild and wavy and he was dressed head to foot in what looked like green silk he began to turn slowly around and she closed her eyes quickly, she could hear him move closer towards her and felt his hand take hers.

It was warm and smooth, definitely not hand that had ever done a hard days work but there was something comforting about him, he seemed to be experimenting with her fingers, lacing his own through hers his fingers were long and soft. A scent washed over her, it was soap mixed with a subtle aftershave she had no idea how Holograms worked but it was clear he was a lot more modern than she had previously thought; it was almost as if he was human. Paige took a deep breath and opened her eyes once more he jumped a little startled but didn't let go of her hand. She smiled as warmth flew over her body as his deep brown eyes connected with her emerald green ones, "Are you okay? Are you in pain?" he asked softly.

"You were the voice" she whispered, "Have you been talking to me?"

"Well yes, just in case you could hear or .. I don't know it kept me sane I suppose, do you want anything? Some water? Let me get the others" Rimmer dropped her hand and the electricity left his body with it, he stopped and looked at his palm then at her with confusion in his eyes, then at the door once more. "I will just be a minute"

"No, please" she whimpered, within seconds he was back beside her, he went to take her hand again, he wanted the jolt but didn't have the courage to grab it again "What happened?" she asked as she attempted to sit up in order to regain some sort of independence and fell awkwardly towards him. Rimmer laughed gently and caught her once more, "I think you should just stay where you are for a minute" he gestured back towards the table, "I will let Kryten know you are awake, I am sure he will be able to tell you more than I can. They are away looking at your medical results now; I have just been sat here with you" Rimmer knew he was mumbling but he didn't know what to say to make her feel better.

When she didn't move from his arms Rimmer started to slowly move her back towards the table but she clung on around his neck, he was completely unprepared and had no idea what to do in this situation. Half of him was freaking out; he barely knew her why was she so clingy? He should just throw her down and run and get the others, she must be concussed or having a bad reaction, no one ever relied on him. Yet the other half just revelled in being able to touch someone else and feel so needed, her arms were so tight around him it was the first hug he hadn't had to beg or pay for. "Medical records?" she half cried, "They wont do anything to me will they?" she clung even tighter to Rimmer, "Please don't let them. Please!

"Hey hey calm down" Rimmer stroked her hair gently as he once saw someone do in a film it seemed to calm her, "We aren't going to do anything you don't want us to okay? You are safe now. What happened to you?" he could feel her warm tears soak through his shirt and reached over to grab the blanket from the table, wrapping it around her body and half round his own so she was completely covered, "Can I trust you?" she whispered slipping her small hand back into his. Rimmer nodded and held her tight and waited until she was ready to talk.


	6. Understanding

"Experiments" Lister half laughed, "She is an experiment?" he looked from Kryten to Cat then back to the paper in front of him once more. "So this is where her strength comes from? Her speed and agility? Damn she was quicker than the Cat"

"Hey" Cat growled, "I was taken unawares, and I did not dress correctly for chasing prey today got that?" Cat stared back down at the test results before him, "What's this metal thing?" he asked lifting up an x-ray.

Kryten closed his eyes, "They have inserted metal into her bones. I can't see why? Added strength perhaps? Some sort of interior defence system I am not sure at this point but I will tell you her blood pressure is sky high. That girl is in incredible pain"

"Well we have to help her, and now" Lister stood up, "I want to know what all this bullshit is about. Kryten what are those labs doing? What has happened to her?"

"She died." Everyone jumped as Rimmer appeared at the door his eyes downcast, he had a shadow over his face that wasn't thrown on by interruptions of light.

"Rimmer are you okay?" Lister asked slowly sitting back down.

"Well I say died, She was murdered; first mission they found what seemed like a derelict ship, she was eager and jumped in first" Rimmer stopped to take a breath "It ripped her apart. She didn't have a chance" he watched the shock on his crew mates faces, "There is nothing on file because they covered it up, she was the daughter of some dick who signed over her remains to the labs here for 'the advancement of medicine' for a quick pay off and the 'scientists' decided to attempt to rebuild her to ensure this didn't happen again."

"Holy smeg" Lister cried, "Why didn't they just bring her back as a hologram or something? Why did they want her alive I mean how was she that vital to the mission?"

"She was vital to experiments they had been planning for years but not managed to come across a body they could play with!" Rimmer sighed, "They didn't bring her back to life in as much as they just didn't let her completely slip away, she was hooked up to machines and kept hanging while they added more to her or took more away. That planet was her first text"

"Of course, that planet" Kryten "They sent her down first – she was built to test atmospheres and check for danger" he scanned over her results one more time, "I did wonder why she was part mechanoid …. For what purpose? It's all becoming clear now."

"They sent her down to look for anything that could kill them, sent her down there completely alone with no weapons or anything. She was terrified, crying and screaming for her mum and they just sent her down there. Of course after three days when she was still alive they sent the ship down as well completely overlooking that she no longer needed oxygen while they did" Rimmer half laughed, "Biggest brains of the ship forgot that they took her ability to breathe."

Silence took over the room, Cat still had his mouth open in horror while Lister was fiddling with the paper in front of him, none of them knew what to say.

"Kryten" Rimmer whispered, "She is in a lot of pain and she's terrified. I have given her my word that you won't do anything she doesn't ask for. She has a deep fear and mistrust of others especially when it comes to medicine. Can you go and talk to her now while I sort out some quarters for her? Then I will come and find you" Rimmer finally sat down he looked exhausted.

Lister stared quietly at the complete smeghead suddenly turned man, Rimmer looked really shaken by this but it was nice to see him taking control of a situation. If the girl had warmed to him it was probably best Rimmer stay with her as long as he could. "No, I will sort out a place for her to stay; I think you should go with Kryten and see what can be done. Just shout us if you need us okay?"

Rimmer looked up at Lister and for the first time saw some understanding, he smiled softly and nodded, "Okay" he replied slowly standing up, "Kryten you coming?"

"Yes sir" Kryten jumped to action and walked off ahead; Rimmer pulled a face in shock at being addressed as 'Sir' by Kryten but shrugged it off and followed him out of the room.

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Kryten smiled down at the young girl, "I would say that was a success Mister Rimmer, I have managed to take out the metal that was sticking into muscle, and cast her leg up safely. I checked out what they had added and found that they have added android equipment to her chest and her brain and for some reason her pain levels were extremely high, I assume it was to inform them of anything she did at any point. Even a paper cut would have felt like a broken leg to her – she is going to be okay now"

"Is she closed up yet?" Rimmer called from under the table, he had insisted on being there to hold her hand yet when Kryten had cut her open he had an urge to vomit and proceeding to hide out of sight for the remainder of the operation.

"Yes, no more blood" Kryten checked the girls temperature one more time and stood back satisfied, "All she needs now is rest, I wonder where Mister Lister plans to put her. I will just go and find out"

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Lister helped Kryten lift Paige onto the stretcher and then they proceeded to walk her down the corridor to the bunk room opposite Rimmer and Lister's. "I thought it best she was close to Rimmer" Lister smiled, "For god knows what reason she seems to like him. Where is he anyway?"

"He decided to take Blue Midget and return to the ship we found her on, hes hoping to find her bunk or something, maybe retrieve some of her things or failing that find as many female things as he can. There isn't much aboard here that would be suitable for her to wear and I don't think I can get the blood out of the clothes she came in though I will try."

"Kryten I think bloodstains are the least of her worries right now!" Lister laughed, "Come on, lets get her settled and then I can have a smegging beer. Tell you what we go for months and months with nothing happening at all then it all kicks off."


	7. Dead

Rimmer stood alone, "Why the smeg did I decide to do this?" he cried out into the darkness ahead of him. His hands were shaking as he fumbled about with his bag to find his flashlight. "Smegginhell it's smegging dark. Smeg. Smeg". Trembling he groped his way forward picturing Paige holding him tightly, he knew in his heart he would do anything to make her feel comfortable but maybe he should have asked Kryten to fetch this. What if something terrible happened? What if he got lost? What if he found nothing and he had no one else to blame it on but himself? That would be the worst thing, at least if Kryten came back empty handed he could have made a scene and shouted and looked manly and in charge in front of Paige. Now it was all up to him and he didn't like that one bit, he stared at the bit of paper in his hand. "Floor 87, Room 6 – well that cant be too difficult to find. Where am I now?" Rimmer turned the light to the wall and saw a sign, "Floor 3 …. Smeg"

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Paige blinked and opened her eyes slowly, her vision was blurred and her head hurt so she snapped them shut and remained as still as possible. She waited for the wave of pain to start to creep around her body, that agonising rip she felt after every operation, after every promise that it would be okay this time. After a few minutes she relaxed and opened her eyes once more "It doesn't hurt" she whispered, a tear of relief crawled down her cheek.

"Ma'am? What is it? Are you in pain? Tell me where?"

Paige grinned at the android above her and threw her arms around his neck, "Thank you so much" she cried kissing his head wherever she could. "This is incredible, it doesn't hurt. The pain has gone. I cannot believe it, what did you do" she jumped from the bed and stared at her body.

Kryten stepped back unable to speak for a moment, his circuits felt like they had short wired he had never been so embarrassed or felt so useful since he found Mr Lister's guitar in a half full waste disposal unit a few hours earlier. Even then Lister had only kissed him once and then ran off. "Oh, er well I removed some of the metal they had placed in at odd angles, just healed some wounds fixed your pain receivers on your data chip and closed you back up again. It was nothing really" he gushed.

A second later he found himself awkwardly still as Paige hugged him once more. "Anyway .. I have arranged some food for you, I will just fetch it. I will request that you get back into bed, I want to monitor you for a few days and just make super safety sure you are on the mend"

"Yes'sir" Paige smiled and climbed back into her bunk. She looked around the room and pulled her legs up to her chest, rocking back and forward she watched Kryten walk out of the room and wondered where Rimmer had gone. It took her a few minutes to accept that she really wasn't in pain and almost dared to hope that her dreary existence might improve. "Rimmer" she said aloud, looking around her wondering if the hologram could hear her. She wasn't very familiar with holograms, unsure if she called would the main computer alert him to her wanting him or whether he was a separate entity. Nothing came of her call so she lay back down upon the pillows desperate for some sort of distraction, her mind stayed on the wavy haired man she had told her tale to. Unsure why she had held him so tightly she put it down to a mix of guilt for her original attack upon him and slight intrigue as to how a man could have such sad eyes yet such a warm smile.

Flipping onto her back she closed her eyes and pictured Rimmer standing before her, his broad shoulders seemed so inviting when she first set eyes on him, someone she could fall into and feel safe, and when she had dared, had jumped forward and held him he hadn't disappointed her. Nervous at first – she could tell he was uncomfortable, yet when he calmed he held her so tightly against his chest she was able to listen carefully and hear a silence where his heart should have been. It was so strange to feel his hands, his chest and know he was there holding her yet she couldn't hear his heartbeat, he had no heart – no living organs, he was composed of light and air and yet he was warm, something made him warm. His hands had been soft and smooth – Paige lifted her own hand and traced a line along her palm – he had held it just tight enough, almost like he had practised it. Almost like he had never wanted to let go, with a smile Paige turned on her side and hugged a pillow close to her, thinking dreamily of a man she barely knew she drifted off to sleep.

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Rimmer sat watching Paige sleep; she had turned over three times and mumbled something about eyes but showed no signs of waking up anytime soon. She had such a look of contentment about her that he couldn't help but stare, he had already reached over to move hair from her cheek and stayed there a little bit too long just listening to the silence that surrounded her. It was a novelty to see someone else that didn't breathe, made no living noise when they slept. Beside the bed was a tray of uneaten food that Kryten must have left but she must have been asleep before he brought it. Kryten was now down in the laundry room delighted at having a batch of new clothes to clean and organise.

Finally he looked around the room and stared at the few items he had found in her quarters on board, a photograph album, some clothes, a little ragged teddy bear and a few essentials, a toothbrush and deodorant etc. There was very little to show she had been there at all – he had found all he had brought in a box at the bottom of a cupboard. After an hours more scavenging he had found a few other rooms that ladies must have inhabited and taken as many girls clothing as he could find, he didn't know if she would like any of them or even if any of them would fit but he had tried.

Sighing with exhaustion he reached over for the teddy he had recovered, it was a dirty brown colour with one eye missing but the leg had 'Paige' stitched untidily along its sem. He smiled imagining a younger version of Paige sat with a needle and thread, each letter was a different size and the P was back to front but it was clear it was a sentimental item. He turned it round in his hands a few times then knelt over to place it beside her; he lifted her arm gently to slip it underneath and got a shock to see her eyes open and watching him intently.

"I was beginning to think I had dreamt you" she smiled, then her eyes fell on what was in his eyes, "Pooky" she laughed, "Oh my god, where did you find him?" she took the bear from Rimmer's hands gently brushing against his fingers as she did, "I have had him since I was born" she laughed, a gentle giggle that drew Rimmer even closer to her, "Thank you so much for bringing him to me"

"That's no problem" Rimmer stuttered, he was dangerously close to the edge of her bed now, kneeling in front of her examining every detail of her smile, "I returned to the ship and found some stuff I figured was yours and some other clothes as well" he smiled, "There wasn't much but I hope its helped. I don't even know it half of it would fit you" Rimmer knew he was talking complete and utter rubbish, he could hear his own voice and was urging himself to shut up but he was so wrapped up in this new and strange feeling that was taking over him.

"Thank you, you didn't have to do that. I really appreciate it." Paige was suddenly aware how messy her hair must look and felt ashamed, "Is there somewhere I can take a shower here?"

"Oh yes, erm, each room has its own shower unit" Rimmer jumped up and opened the door to show her the bathroom, "You can use it any time" Paige was immediately sorry she had asked as he was now over the other side of the room and not right beside her where she had enjoyed his presence up close, she tried desperately to think of a reason he could return back to her but her mind had drawn a blank.

Rimmer stared at his feet and felt awkward again, "Holly" he said quickly "Holly is the main computer here, if you need anything you just say his name and he will appear and can help. He's offline now I think. Well he's usually a lot more use when he's offline anyway if you ask me, but I mean that's why he hasn't responded now – or it could just be because I called him. One or the other." Rimmer cursed himself mentally for his complete lack of command and respect on the ship. He began thinking about how unfair life was and how all of it could have been so much more different and how if he had been an officer he could have talked to this girl so easily and so confidently and not be stood here like a complete goit. Yet when she spoke he napped out of it, blinking as if he had been slapped, he knew he could have stood brooding on his own thoughts for hours if left alone.

"Rimmer, can I ask you something" Paige smiled as he came bounding over to her side once more and sat opposite her, not quite as close as she would have liked but close enough, "Are there any other women on this ship? Anybody else? I have met an android named .. Kryten was that correct? And I vaguely remember a short man with dirty hair and a taller man with a very smart suit!"

"That would be about correct yes, Lister – short stubby and the last human alive, The Cat – a vain self satisfied sort of guy, evolved from cats but don't try to pet him. That's about it really, just us four guys."

"Last human" Paige mumbled aloud, "I'm not human anymore am I? I mean I was – but now I guess… I don't know. I'm part android, part human but essentially." Paige stopped, she suddenly felt very cold and very scared, "Essentially I am dead. Oh god, I am dead" Tears began forming in her eyes again.

Rimmer felt her pain and reached over for her hand, forgetting he was a cowardly worm with no idea what to do in any situation that didn't involve him running for his life he did what he wanted, what he had needed and what he never got, he pulled her towards him and held her close, "Yes, you are technically dead, but you know what it isn't so bad" he rubbed her back gently pulling a blanket around her cold shoulders he leant back against the bunk wall and felt her curl around his body until she was sat between his legs and curled up against his chest, if he had a heart it would have been hammering ten to the dozen and he was very concerned about where her knees could knock but he kept rubbing her back and making soothing sounds. "It will be okay Paige".

"But .. I'm dead" she sobbed. The full effect of those words hitting her, she would never breathe again, would she have children? Get married? Do anything that normal women do everyday.

"I know" Rimmer sighed, he looked down into her eyes and smiled, "But so am I, you don't see me crying about it do you. Well not in public anyway" he grinned, and hugged her tighter as she laughed aloud and wiped away her tears.

"Dead" she laughed again, "We can form a society I guess. Just you and me" her hand was absentmindedly stroking the smooth padded velvet of his jacket.

"Form?" he laughed, "you will have to see if you have the qualifications and the skill to join mine! I will need it in writing that you wish to join and you may state your qualifications. You can't just come along here being dead and take my 'only deadie on the ship' title away from me"

Paige laughed some more and felt a lot better, she rested her head against his shoulder and sighed, "Well we can be dead together anyway" she yawned.

Rimmer sat with his eyes wide open, his grin went from ear to ear and his happiness was immeasurable.


	8. Stock Take

"Rimmer shut up," Lister cried for the 4th time in as many minutes.

"I'm only humming" Rimmer whined.

"Well don't, it's getting on my wick." Lister growled, focusing on the large rock he was trying to avoid a mere few feet ahead. "All week all we have had it you grinning or singing or making stupid sounds with your teeth. Its just sick."

Rimmer stared back down at the navigation controls and half smiled, they were carefully picking their way around an asteroid belt that would usually have him gripping his seat with worry but today he didn't care, he wasn't really paying attention anyway.

"Why are you so frigging chirpy anyway?!" Cat demanded, "I haven't seen you this relaxed since you became a hard light and spent a day in your bunk"

Rimmer glared at Cat with renewed anger, "Shut up".

Cat laughed, pleased he had hit a note, "Look you claim you were studying, all we know is we went through a weeks worth of toilet roll"

Rimmer blushed and put his face as close to the scanner as he could, "Why don't you just keep your eyes ahead of you smegpot. Do you want us to become a skid mark on one of those rocks in front of us?"

"Yeah yeah, Buddy I could smell if one of those things was dangerously close, you just sit back there and play with your buttons. Damn that one was close"

"Cat please focus" Lister cried, "I want to get out of this and back to sitting in the kitchen with my dinner, which I might remind you all is going cold!"

Rimmer stared at the ceiling, then the floor and waited several minutes before slowly creeping out of the cock pit, he wasn't doing anything anyway he reasoned with himself. Slipping quickly past Kryten in the kitchens he wandered slowly down to the storage rooms listening carefully for any signs that someone had noticed he had gone.

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Paige was carefully arranging the remaining boxes of food and supplies into alphabetical order when she heard footsteps approaching, out of habit she ducked quickly into a dark corner and waited to see who it was.

Rimmer walked in and peered around, "Paige?" he called out. He could see she had been here recently as she had taken to helping Kryten as much as she could as a means of saying thank you for all he did for her. Rimmer walked to the shelves and grinned at her precise organising, he lifted up a notepad from the shelf, which noted everything counted, and stock rotated. Rimmer yawned slightly – it was getting late, he figured Paige might have gone to fetch something so sat on a crate and stretched his legs out, as annoyed as he was that he couldn't find her he decided to relax for a few moments then go an see If she was in her bunk.

Paige crept forward slowly, as silent as she had been created to do and stroked one finger slowly up the back of his neck, laughing out loud as he jumped and screamed with shock and promptly fell sideways off the crate and onto the floor.

"Jesus wept" he roared, "You could have given me a heart attack!"

"Oh yeah" she laughed, "And that would be such a danger to a dead person wouldn't it?"

Rimmer grinned, jokes about death seemed a lot easier now he had someone to share them with, "Even so, my light bee could have exploded or something. I am not a man accustomed to shock – I usually detect it earlier on and then find somewhere safe and warm to hide"

"Yeah I will never understand that, I mean you can't fear death now surely??" she asked cocking one eyebrow up at him. "I mean if we are dead, then nothing can touch us. Surely we should be the first ones to go out there, into the danger and see if we cant help the others"

Rimmer stared aghast, "We may both be dead, and believe me I really appreciate another member of the Dwarf cemetery but we have very different ideas about what to do with our death"

"You are such a coward," Paige laughed.

Rimmer was about to retort with something to make himself sound good but suddenly the ship lurched left violently, Paige gave out a scream as items flew off the shelves towards them both, she fell forward against him and they both ended up on the floor.

"What the hell was that?" Paige cried, trying to get back to her feet.

The ship lurched again, sending Rimmer flying across the floor and crashing into more shelves that dropped several bags of flour all over him, Paige would have been laughing at his new white hair if she hadn't fallen the same direction and ended up half covered in flour plus a jar of tomato sauce that had exploded over her.

"Sorry dudes" Holly's voice flew over the ship, "I thought I saw one coming for us, thought I would help a bit"

"Holly" Lister's voice appeared over the tannoy, "I am going to pour a can of lager into your speakers now. If you see that smegger Rimmer can you tell him there is a huge space in the navigation chair behind me that has not gone unnoticed and to get his arse back here"

It was then that Paige began to laugh, "it is always something with this ship isn't it, we haven't had a day this week where something hasn't gone wrong"

Rimmer stood up trying to dust flour off him as best he could, "Yes and 9 times out of 10 its usually that deranged computer that messes everything up".

Paige looked around at all her hard work that lay all over the floor. "I guess I should have closed the shutters on this lot once I was done counting it huh?" she turned to Rimmer blowing flour from his nose and started to laugh again.

"Funny is it?" Rimmer moaned, a small smile appearing on his lips as Paige walked over and leaned close to him, and began dusting flour from his hair.

"I think so yes" she laughed, Rimmer stared into her eyes and felt a bubble well up inside him as they sparkled from laughter, "Why aren't you navigating with the others?" she asked, cocking her eyebrow up and putting a hand on her hip, "You could have just endangered all of us there, you endangered my stock and your hair and now look what has happened!"

"I wanted to see if you needed anything" Rimmer mumbled, "I mean I can see now that you didn't need anything, and my appearance has probably given you a lot more work so I guess from now on when I get an urge to see you I should just stay where I am"

Paige batted at her clothes to get rid of some flour and threw her hair around for the some purpose, "You soft sod. You know I like hanging out with you. Well I am not looking my best but shall we go for a drink then? I'm not clearing this now" she offered her arm out to Rimmer who gladly slipped his own through it. "In fact if we put a sign on the door saying 'Do not disturb' I might get away with not doing it until tomorrow"

"Actually …. I have a better idea" Rimmer grinned taking her hand, "You are going to love this."


	9. Space

Rimmer half dragged Paige up a flight of stairs then stopped, turning on his heel he stopped her abruptly, "Do you trust me?"

"I have no reason not to" Paige answered, then frowned as she watched him half trip over his own feet to run back down the stairs, "Yet!" she shouted after him and leaned against a wall, she hadn't a clue where he was taking her. He reappeared a few minutes later with a tie that he proceeded to wrap around her head as a makeshift blindfold.

"Arnold" Paige scolded putting her hand on her hip again, "What are you doing? What is all this?"

"A surprise" he answered, "Just take my hand and trust me".

"I trust you" she smiled placing her hand securely in his, Rimmer stood for a moment and stared down at her face, her smile gave away a dimple for him to admire for a few seconds, Rimmer sighed then snapped himself out of it wasting no more time he proceeded to guide her up more steps and into a lift.

When they stopped Paige listened carefully and heard doors close behind her, "Where are we?" she asked but got no response, she heard a click and felt something being placed around her waist and another click. "Rimmer?"

"Just one more step" he coaxed, she did as he requested and felt a slight chill come over her body as if she had stepped into a fridge, and suddenly she felt different and gasped as she felt herself rise in the air a few inches. "Rimmer?" she called again nervously.

"I'm here" he laughed. Paige felt a rush of excitement as his arms wrap around her waist and pull her body against his.

"Okay, keep your eyes closed" he whispered and reached to remove her blindfold. Once he had removed the blindfold completely he held her tighter against his body, "Okay open them."

Paige opened one eye cautiously then the other in alarm, she gave a shriek of fright to find herself outside of Red Dwarf, "Oh my god Rimmer, we are outside of the ship. I am in space!" excitement rushed through her mind which quickly turned to fright once more, she spun and threw her body around Rimmer's, "How is this possible? Oh god please don't let go of me."

Rimmer chuckled, "Relax you are completely safe, look you are attached to me and gravity doesn't affect me like it does you. I will keep extra tight hold of you but I wouldn't let anything happen to you don't worry" he felt Paige relax in his arms and her head move side to side on his shoulder as she looked around.

"This is incredible" she whispered, "Look how close the stars are, they are so beautiful, it's almost like you could reach out for them"

"One of the perks of being dead I suppose, we are as close to these stars as anyone ever could be. I often come for walks around here when I need to clear my head, I find it very calming. You are the first person I have been able to do this with"

"Can we sit?" Paige asked, still scrabbling to keep hold of him it was very disconcerting to be unable to reach the floor.

"Sure, we can do anything you like. Here lets go over this way" he laughed as he felt her arms and legs tighten around him as he walked over to a raised part of the ship and sat upon it, pulling her down with him. He jumped in alarm as she burrowed in between his legs and hooked hers underneath his own anchoring her down to the surface; they sat face to face, both staring at each other.

"It's so quiet" Paige whispered, "I almost feel like talking is an offence somewhere as peaceful as this"

"Well you know what they say" Rimmer looked around, "In space no one can hear you scream"

Paige stared at him for a few seconds nodding slowly, "Mmmm and how long have you been wanting to say that?"

"Oh since we stepped out here, but I waited until it was appropriate, that's classic timing that is!"

"A delicate skill" Paige teased, shuffling closer towards him. "So tell me Mr A.J Rimmer, what do you come out here to think about?"

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"Kryten where is Paige?" Lister asked shoving another spoonful of vindaloo into his already overfilled mouth. He seemed completely oblivious to the looks of disgust from his crewmates; the Cat had put down his fork and given up on dinner completely.

"Organising the stock rooms last I heard of her" Kryten replied. "Oh Holly, you gave me a shock" Kryten smiled as Holly's face appeared on the monitor on the wall.

"She's not there now" Holly grinned.

"What?" Lister replied, staring at his magazine on the table and opening a can of lager.

"Paige, she isn't in the stock room now. In fact she hasn't been for over an hour or so." Holly grinned again.

Lister put down his beer can and stared at the monitor, Holly had that smug satisfied sort of grin that told them he knew something very interesting but as nothing interesting ever happened around here he wasn't about to give it up easily. It was either a 3 hour argument to get the information or play him at his own game. Lister opted for the latter.

"Ah its okay, I will find her later I just wanted to talk to her" he took a swig from his can and lifted the magazine up in front of his face.

Kryten watched Holly's face contort and change colour in frustration, he looked back towards Lister who was counting to three on his fingers behind the magazine.

"She's outside of the ship, she's with Rimmer they have been out there for ages just talking" Holly let the gossip burst forth from him and looked exhausted yet satisfied afterwards.

"You what?" Lister cried slamming his magazine back down onto the table, "Are you serious?"

Holly re-appeared wearing shades and a hat "You didn't hear it from me" he announced then vanished again.

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Rimmer lay on his back with his arms behind his head completely at ease and smiling like a Cheshire cat he stared ahead of him into Paige's face, she was hanging a mere 15 inches from his own nose suspended in the air and secured by his waist.

"Gravity is fun" Paige laughed, "I haven't felt so free in years; I still cannot believe all of this. We are so lucky."

"Yeah I suppose I had never thought about it before" Rimmer smiled sadly.

"What would you do if this wire snapped?" she asked kicking her legs about.

"It wouldn't snap it's impossible" he tugged on it shaking her about in the air as if to prove his point.

"Ugg stop it! I mean it; imagine if it did snap what would you do really?"

Rimmer thought for a few minutes then a devilish smile crept over his lips, "I would watch you float away" he cackled with laughter.

"You are such a shit" she laughed hitting out at him, "Fine, I hope I do float away"

"No no no" he laughed, "I would jump up and grab you, I told you I would never let anything happen to you."

They had been lying this way for about half an hour now talking about past exploits and childhoods, why they joined the Space Corps and what they had wanted from life. Rimmer found that since Paige didn't expect him to be anything other than himself she wasn't asking accusational questions. Due to that he found he could talk about his parents and his childhood as simply a topic instead of an excuse for some failure in his life up to this point.

"It is getting pretty cold out here though" Paige sighed, "I'm still in complete awe of this. Thank you so much can we do it again soon?"

"Sure, well not if we are about to hit light speed or are going any faster than this anyway. We are safe now as its dinner time, Lister will be chomping his curry as we speak plus Holly will be aware we are out here"

Rimmer frowned as he saw her shiver slightly and reached out to touch her cheek, "Smeg, you are really cold, come on lets get you back inside." He pulled her gently back towards him as he stood up and they both giggled as they tried to keep her upright.

"Aw Jesus, you are like a bobbing apple! come here" he laughed and lifted her in his arms only to lose his footing and send them both crashing backwards onto the floor with a thud.

"Oh very smooth" Paige laughed and rested her head on his chest, "I'm not that cold, lets stay a few more minutes. Please please" she begged as he sat up and pulled her between his legs to secure her once more.

"Anything you want" he laughed, "But if you get some sort of space flu I don't want to hear a single complaint missy"

"Not a peep" she nodded and crept a little closer to him for warmth, she smiled as his arms came around her and pulled her body against his, she lay with her head on her shoulder for a few more minutes quietly. Inside she knew what she wanted to do but she was terrified, she felt sick with nerves but knew it was now or never. Lifting her head slightly she looked into his eyes and kissed him on the cheek nervously, Rimmer leant back a little unsure of the territory he gulped and waited. After an uncomfortable second or two she went to put her head back upon his shoulder and he moved forward quickly.

Paige felt her body tingle with pleasure as his lips gently pressed against hers, tender at first then awkward and shaky as he tried to push his tongue into her mouth. "I'm sorry" he finally said pulling away, "I don't know what to do" he laughed, "Ridiculous isn't it? I can't remember how to kiss someone and kiss them to show them that you care about them at the same time" he looked down at his chest and peered back up into her eyes.

"I think its like this" Paige smiled and put her hand gently on his cheek pulling him towards her their lips met again, this time he took it slow and kissed her slowly and gently not moving his tongue until finally she parted her lips and initiated it. Rimmer held her as tightly to him as was physically possible; his blood was racing as he felt her hands running through his hair.

Paige parted her lips once more and gave a little pleasurable moan, he kissed her softly and pulled back stunned, he had never experience anything like that before. "Your eyes have reflections of stars in them" he smiled feeling utterly dazed and happy.

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Lister stood in the observation area and rubbed his eyes in disbelief. Rimmer and Paige. Arnold Judas Rimmer and Paige. Smeg for brains and Paige. It just didn't fit, yet there she was completely wrapped up in him and looking like the happiest woman on earth. A jealous rage swept over him, the last woman alive and she had to fall for a man who couldn't even help continue the human race.

Lister stood watching them for a few minutes longer and then he noticed something about Rimmer, he was smiling. A real happy smile that wasn't tinged with bitterness or sarcasm, Lister finally smiled himself and laughed quietly. "Nice one smegger" he whispered affectionately then he crept off before he was noticed.


	10. Beginning

Lister had enjoyed sitting back and watching things unfold around the ship, he was amazed to see that neither Kryten nor Cat had noticed anything different about the relationship between Rimmer and Paige, but Lister hadn't failed to see the quick smiles, the endless touching and teasing and of course the times they both completely vanished together for hours at a time.

"Paige, could you pass me that folder please?" Rimmer asked, Lister watched them exchange another secret smile together, and then Paige walked over, their eyes locked together as they exchanged a shared smile, she put the folder directly into Rimmer's hand, her fingers brushing against his for that split second too long and more then more blushing and smiles.

"Damn this isn't the folder I wanted, I will be back in a few minutes" Rimmer smiled and strode out of the room confidently. Lister watched Paige quietly and quickly walk out several minutes later. "Unreal" he laughed and stared at Cat meaningfully but nothing reached the felines superstitious nature. Giving up Lister grabbed his magazine.

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Rimmer was waiting in another room three doors further down the corridor; he grabbed Paige as she ran in, and pushed her against a wall. Taking up his new favourite hobby, and apparently his new skill - Kissing. Paige was ravenous for him, something drove her wild when he held her, and in a few short days he had gone from a slightly awkward kisser in the beginning to a fully fledged demon. Spurred on Rimmer lifted her up in his arms, still pinned against the wall he smiled and kissed her again.

"Mmm Rimmer" she purred, half stroking, half pulling her fingers through his hair, he carried on kissing her neck gently with the correct about of nibbles and short bites.

"Don't" he growled, "You know that drives me crazy" he had never heard a woman say his name positively – not even his mother. To hear his name fall from her lips dripping with desire and need drove him crazy inside. "Come on, we have to get back." He whined, kissing her a few more times for good measure and hurrying quickly out of the room.

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Lister shook his head as they returned within minutes of each other, both looking flushed and Rimmer definitely hadn't checked his hair before entering the room, he looked at Cat who finally seemed to be twigging onto something and smiled behind his magazine, how had no body else noticed this? In all fairness Lister seeing the two of them kissing a few nights earlier had been a huge clue for him but their affection for each other had been obvious over these last two days.

"Ah Miss Paige ma'am glad to see you smiling again" Kryten walked in happily with a tray of refreshments "I wonder if you wouldn't mind helping me in the kitchen tonight – only you did mention helping me perfect my baked Alaska and I thought tonight would be… well … perfect" he grinned.

Lister stifled a laugh watching Rimmer and Paige share a quick panicked glance between each other, Rimmer's fingers gripped the folder tighter and Paige looked decidedly nervous.

"Oh" she began, "Well I …I was …I suppose …"

"Sorry Kryten not at all" Rimmer intervened, Lister watched his nostrils flare and his eyes look decidedly bigger than usual while he tried to think of an excuse, "Paige has offered to help me study for my next astro navigations exam and as you know once I draw up a revision timetable it cannot be changed"

Paige relaxed and smiled at Kryten, she pulled a face of agony as if she would rather do anything that help Rimmer but felt tied to her obligations yet Lister noted the little glint of joy in her eyes.

"Ah, okay – well maybe in three months time then" Kryten replied rather haughtily, "Unless you fail again, in which case god knows when the next time I shall see Paige or a Baked Alaska again".

"Don't say 'again' like it's a regular thing" Rimmer snarled, "I won't fail this time. Now why don't you get back to your work you stupid jumped up little trashcan" turning on his heel he stormed out of the room.

Lister watched Paige's eyes widen and laughed inwardly again – how had she seen Rimmer thorough complete rose tinted glasses? It was almost as if she hadn't seen any of his snarly little outbursts that happened on a daily basis; in fact he would go so far as to say Paige had no idea about the real Rimmer at all. This could be an interesting few weeks indeed.

Paige decided to let Rimmer cool off and sat staring at Lister for a while; she hadn't spent too much time with him and found there was no time like the present.

"Listerrrrrrrrrrrr" she whined in his ear, "Entertain me?"

"Huh?" Lister dropped his magazine, "what's up?"

"Well I am bored if I am honest, I need something fun to do before I go and help Rimmer with his revision and I don't think he is in the mood to do any of it right now. What do you do for fun around here?"

Lister stared at the ceiling and thought hard, "We er… we have a gym, a cinema, the library" he grinned and jumped to his feet, "But those are for the tourists, I take deep pleasure in the AR unit, the bar and winding Rimmer up so much that he is speechless"

"That's mean" Paige laughed, "Why do you hate him so much anyway?"

"Oh I don't think any of us hate him, I mean we did at first. Everyone did at first, Rimmer used to be such a whiny self obsessed little cretin and now I think we just see him as a whiny self obsessed cretin. He has definitely put on weight over the last year or so."

"Behave" Paige warned.

"The first Rimmer – before he died that is, was a tart. Really unlikeable, seriously pedantic and utterly useless at everything he attempted." Lister growled, "We used to share a bunk back then and he almost drove me to suicide on many occasions."

"What's so different now?" Paige asked, "He doesn't seem unlikeable"

"I don't know. I'm not sure anything has changed, we have just been through a lot together, most of the times he's a total coward and often exacerbates an already bad situation, but when I have needed him he has been there and he has even acted rather noble on more than one occasion. Not that I would ever admit to saying any of this of course but he's okay. Deep down. Deep deep down."

"Why are you telling me all this?" Paige cocked her head to one side and smiled at Lister questioningly.

"Just so you know what you are taking on, he can be a pain – but any hassle you have to put up with will most likely be worth it at the end."

"What do you mean by that?" Paige asked looking shocked.

Lister just winked and walked out of the room leaving Paige to stare at the empty table in front of her.

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A few hours later Paige walked to Rimmer's room and found him sat at a dimly lit table alone studying a book in front of him, he looked tense, frustrated and generally angry. She was beginning to wonder whether he attempting to cheer him up was a good idea but still the worst he could do is shout and insult her and then she could just throw him at a wall or something.

Rimmer saw her walk in and lean against the door frame, he managed a small smile in her direction then turned back to the book in front of him. He flicked a page idly and sighed. Paige walked over ordering the door to lock behind her and rested her hands on his shoulders, she spun him round thankful for wheelie chairs and smiled at him, kissing him gently on the mouth she undid the buttons of his jacket and slipped it over his shoulder leaving a thin t-shirt covering him. Rimmer just smiled in that little dazed way that he did which told her he was completely compliant of anything she was about to do, smiling back she kissed him on the forehead and spun his chair back facing the table. Leaning forward she kissed his neck and began to massage his shoulders slowly. "You okay?" she asked. Rimmer mumbled something incoherent as he enjoyed her hands working against his shoulders. Paige shook her head at how easy men were to please and set about kneading all the knots in his back until he lay face down and completely relaxed on the table in front of him.

"Rimmer – Earth to Rimmer!"

"Mennghhusu" Rimmer replied, still face down on the table.

Paige laughed and pushed him up, "Play with me" she ordered, jumping upon the desk and pulling him close to her.

"You are such a demanding little wench" Rimmer grinned pulling her onto his lap, "I don't know about going outside of the ship today hun, I am really tired. I don't feel too good."

"You don't feel good?" Paige held his face in her hands concerned, "How? What? Without being insensitive you can't be ill can you? Being a hologram and that?"

"I don't think so" Rimmer yawned, "I'm sure its nothing, I was considering having a nap before you came. It's just a headache and some chest pains. Like I say I am sure it's nothing – I'm dead anyway" he grinned kissing her nose.

"Okay. I will leave you to it" Paige made to rise from him but he held her close.

"I think I will go to sleep a lot faster if you are with me!" he whined, "Stay with me for a bit?"

Minutes later they had snuck off to another bedroom away from prying eyes or questions, Rimmer had the access codes to one of the officer's bedrooms which had a double bed as its main feature. Paige had convinced Holly to put a film on for them but by the time they had climbed into bed and cuddled and kissed Rimmer wrapped himself around her and fell straight asleep. Paige kissed his forehead and stroked his hair, not missing the irony that the first time her so called love god had actually got her into a bed the first this he did was fall fast asleep.

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Paige woke up suddenly in the night and blinked, something felt wrong – she knew it was late because all the lights were out and she couldn't hear a thing besides the dull drone of the ships engines. Turning to cuddle into Rimmer for some warmth she jumped to find him deathly cold.

"Rimmer?" she whispered. Silence.

"Lights" Paige cried, illuminating the room she pulled back the covers and screamed.


	11. Space Bug

**Warning the following chapter contains scenes of unreasonable ANGST.  
Chapter is named as tribute to the the great Laura xx hahah Hope you enjoy!! X**

"Kryten, why isn't he moving? You said if we got him to the medi bay you could click in and start finding out how this happened. Holly hurry up!" Lister cried unable to keep a quaver of fear from him voice. Rimmer looked awful and Lister didn't like it one bit, all those dreams of having him switched off and never seeing him again were becoming dangerously realistic.

Cat was cuddling a near hysterical Paige in the corner, desperately trying to warm her with a blanket and stop her from shaking. "He was fine, he was fine" she whispered over and over to herself.

"I don't know sir" Kryten mumbled, "I haven't seen this before, this is completely new to me. I … I just"

"Please do something" Paige cried, "He said he felt ill, he said he had headaches and chest pains and he looked pale, why didn't I notice he looked pale?"

"He always looked pale!" Lister shouted, he tried to control the anger in his voice but a screaming woman was not helping his mind focus. "Look Kryten – outline this stress hologram thingymajigger again, you say he has known about this since before we went to Rimmerworld? That was two years ago!"

"I'm sorry Sir" Kryten cried, "He made me promise not to tell anyone he didn't want to seem weak. This cant just be his stress related disorders alone though, he has been dealing with that successfully. If he had lost control and if it had peaked he would have virtually wiped his own disc instantly with so much electronic energy – no this is something else!"

"Got it" Holly shouted, his face appearing on the screen in front of him, "got the little blighter, Code:9482ID5LP"

Kryten tapped the code into the computer frantically, and stared at the results, "Hmmm. Oh my"

"What is it?" Lister asked peering over Kryten's shoulder desperately, seeing his friend/enemy lying there was giving him the chills.

"It's a bug. A computer virus as it were, it passes from ship to ship and only affects holograms and the occasional light bulb. It's a complex eating virus that feeds on the electrical energy used to keep Mr Rimmer in animation – as a result he is barely hanging onto life on under a quarter of the power he is used to functioning on" Kryten stood back and stared at Rimmer on the table, "If we don't stop this it will wipe out his light bee completely"

"Okay" Lister tried thinking logically "So if we let him be wiped we find a new light bee and load him back up? In a worst case scenario I mean?"

"I am afraid that would be a very big decision" Kryten sighed, "That disc he is living on …."

"Can everyone please stop calling him a disc?" Paige shrieked, "Hes a person, a person with feelings and emotions and a heart." She turned into Cats shoulder and continued crying.

"If we load him up again he wont be the same" Kryten continued looking sadly at the floor, "He will the the original Rimmer that was originally loaded he wont remember anything he has done, said or felt since the day he died above Red Dwarf, he will think he has just that second died and been revived."

Lister winced at the quiet yet painful sob that came from Paige's direction, his mind was reeling the original Rimmer back? The complete smeghead who ruined everything – who wouldn't remember all of their adventure the few laughs they had enjoyed, the jammy dodgers? It was unthinkable. Lister scratched his head and stared at Paige. He wouldn't remember Paige, he wouldn't remember the first woman who had made him truly happy. Lister couldn't let that happen – memories were all a man had in deep space.

"Okay, we have the problem. Now what is the solution? How do we stop it. Every virus has a cure right?" Lister looked round, "Right so? How do we find it?"

"Yes, if I could just have enough time to break it down I may be able to find a solution." Kryten grimaced, "I will need an hour or so"

"Okay you start doing that, Cat – get a deep scan on Holly's database I want to know where that smegging virus came from. Paige – you stay with Rimmer. Kryten I will come with you" Lister gave out his orders with renewed determination, "We can do this guys, time is against us but we can do it"

Everyone nodded and jumped to attention each leaving the room one by one with one last glance at Rimmers swindling form on the table.

Paige pulled a blanket a little tighter around her and walked over to the table, try and she might she couldn't control the tears dropping from her eyes. "Rimmer" she whispered reaching for his hand. The poorly lit shape before her gave no indication that he could hear her but she talked anyway.

"You gave me a fright there" she forced a laugh, "You do know you are transparent right? And cold as ice! You know my ex boyfriend used to have cold feet that woke me in the night but you .. you really topped that didn't you."

Paige stared at him, she could see the table through his body and let out a small sob, she pulled the blanket from around her shoulders, "You really are cold you know" she whispered her voice breaking, wrapping the blanket tightly around his body she stared down into his eyes and reached out to stroke his hair. "You are going to be okay you know" she gulped, unsure of who she was trying to convince more, her or him. "The guys they are working on it right now, they will fix it and you will be okay again and we can move on. We were only just beginning" she sobbed unable to keep it up anymore, "Please don't leave me Arnold, I cant stay here without you. You are my best friend and god we were just becoming something so much more amazing. I cant imagine being here with out you. You are everywhere to me, everywhere I look I see you making me laugh, I see your stupid goofy face when you are confused, I see your beautiful mouth just before you kiss me" She fell onto his chest and wept bitterly, "Please" she whispered over and over again. "Stay with me, fight it. What ever it is please fight it"

Rimmer lay silently screaming, locked inside his own mind he could do nothing to comfort Paige nothing to thank Lister and nothing at all to tell them he was here, he was alive and he was fighting for all his worth!


	12. Suduko?

**I apologise once more for the insane angst .......**

Kryten stared at the monitor shaking his head, "The files are dense" he motioned for Lister to come and take a look, "The only way I can place them in a sequence that makes any sense in on a grid but this way we can work our way backwards and hopefully undo the little bugger".

"Kryten is that what I think it is?" Lister grinned suddenly feeling a lot calmer and a lot more in control of the situation.

"Correct sir, Mr Rimmer's virus laid out in a Sudoku like formulation, all we need to do is mix up the numbers and then hopefully it will eradicate itself"

"This is great; I have always been amazing at Sudoku. Rimmer used to sit over the same puzzle for hours on end growing more and more frustrated, he never did have a head for numbers. I hope he wasn't doing one of these when he almost wiped himself it would explain a lot though. Okay let me take a whack at it?" Lister took the chair from Kryten and lit up a cigarette, this was going to be his finest puzzle yet.

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Kryten left Lister humming happily and headed down to find Cat in the cock pit. Cat was sat with his feet up running a comb through his hair, Kryten glared at him and grabbed the reports sheets from the left of him.

"I wouldn't let Miss Paige see you doing that" he growled, "You know she would be very upset if she thought you weren't helping cure Mr Rimmer"

"Mr Rimmer" Cat mocked, "I've already done it,iIt is right there in front of you and if a man cant fix his hair after a good twenty minute search then what has society come to?" Cat hissed and turned back to his mirror. "I don't want to be the one to tell her" he added, flipping his comb in the air and pushing it back into his jacket pocket.

Kryten frowned as he sped read the reports, the virus had come from the ship they had found her on and Rimmer could only have been infected whilst he went back to search for her things. Kryten's guilt chip overloaded as he realised he should have been the one to go back to the ship not Rimmer. He stood drumming his fingers against his chest and quickly decided to offline himself for a week the minute Mr Rimmer was back up and about.

"Don't look like that" Cat ordered, "You were operating on her at the time, it was goalpost heads choice, and he didn't have to go back! Look why don't we just keep this bit of information to ourselves for now huh? I don't think she cares where it came from, so long as we get him back. Now where is Lister?"

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Rimmer lay immobile he could feel Paige against him and was aware that she had drifted off to sleep, he could feel her hand wrapped around his but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't move his own in order to show her he was here. This strange sensation wasn't painful exactly just very disconcerting, he could feel something wriggling around in his chest, he prayed it wasn't his light bee because he had never physically felt that before and if it was malfunctioning he certainly didn't want Paige on top of him when it blew. It was just typical that the minute he met a woman he cared about he would go and contract the hologramatic equivalent of death. He should have known something would go wrong. How do you catch death anyway? He hadn't felt anything until it was too late. What if he did die now? Just internally explode? They wouldn't even notice! What if it blew externally and his last image was Paige splatting against a wall, Lister would laugh for weeks recounting the tale of the first woman that ever showed an interest in Rimmer – then Rimmer went and exploded and killed her. Fan-smegging-tastic. He felt Paige stir and watched her lift her head, she stared down at him and smiled kissed him quickly and ran out of the room.

It had occurred to him an hour or so before that this could be the end of him and he couldn't even scream and hide, he was completely locked. Frozen and mute just waiting for the inevitable and the worst bit was that he was now completely alone, alone and waiting to die. How could she just leave him like that! The git, if he pulled through this she was officially on his revenge list. It seemed pointless to think what Napoleon would have done in this situation as he didn't recall reading a diary entry entitled 'Locked in own body waiting to die' in the many books he had read about the man. No there was nothing to do now but wait and dwell sadly on all the things he never got a chance to do, all the parts of Paige he never got round to kissing, wait for the end and pray to the god that had failed him on everything else that it didn't hurt as much as he dreaded.

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"Lister, Lister, Lister!" Paige cried running down to the labs, half swinging around the door she coughed on his smoke and ran over to the screen he was working on. "Its working, he's not completely back but he has more colours, he looks stronger!"

"Really?" Lister swung round to face her, "I've only decoded 3 of these, I have 6 left and then we should have an antidote but if what you are saying is true – it could be wiping itself out as I solve this … interesting."

"Do you really think so?" Paige cried, "He could be back? This could work?"

"I don't see any reason why not." Lister smiled, "Aw man he is going to owe be bigtime for this. Big big big time. In fact I am looking forward to telling him old gerbil features saved his big butt"

"Thank you" Paige cried, she pulled Lister into a hug and kissed his cheek, "I am going to go watch him okay, if anything change I will let you know."

Paige ran as fast as she could to tell Rimmer the news, she was deliriously happy at the thought of him coming back and knew once he was better they would be so happy. As she ran down the corridor she stopped dead in her tracks and stared up at the ceiling, the lights were slowly dimming on and off she stared around the darkened ship and began to tremble. "No" she whispered and picked up her pace towards the Medi bay, she was almost knocked off her feet as Kryten and Cat ran past her at full speed towards the labs and half considered running with them to find out what the hell was going on but she knew in her heart it was something to do with Rimmer. She ignored her fear and ran the rest of the way to him, to her surprise he was sitting up looking dazed. "Rimmer!" she half wept as she ran to his arms, "What happened?"

Rimmer smiled and hugged her close to him breathing in her scent; she kissed his neck and cheek and finally his lips. He kissed her back tenderly, he had no idea what had just happened only that he could move again.

"Hush" he comforted her stroking her hair, "Its going to be okay P, Look I am fine, Im up and walking and everything" he kissed her head and pulled her up to look at her.

He felt a cold shiver take over him as he saw her reaction, it spelt out his doom he could see it on her face, "Rimmer?" she whispered a single tear falling down her face, "You are fading again" she wept, "What is happening?" she stood and watching him fade to near invisible then back to full colour almost as if he was beating slowly and surely.

Rimmer stared down at her puzzled, then looked at his own body and watched it vanish then return, he was confused and a serious pain was starting to hack at his chest. Suddenly he realised what was about to happen and he panicked but knew what he had to do. Paige screamed as he shoved her with the last of his energy as far away from him as he could, he gripped his chest trying to stop the tightening pain that was gripping him, he tried to run for the door in order to put as much distance between himself and her but he felt a burning sensation ripple up from his feet and lost control of his legs, he hit the floor with a sickening thud, the pain continued to rise and he felt hotter and hotter, this was the end he knew it. He shrieked in pain as he felt a tear rip through his insides and watched the room spin and light up, the last thing he saw was Paige screaming in terror then he felt nothing.


	13. Rimmer Returns

Paige walked around in a daze, she didn't know where she was going or why she was headed there but she didn't see the point in sitting in that room any longer. Sitting there and staring at the floor – where only a few brief minutes ago he had been there, screaming in agony. She didn't care about anything anymore not without him it seemed so unfair that she had only had him for a few short weeks; they had been travelling around for years, why couldn't they have found her sooner? She could have had so much more time with him. It had been awkward explaining to them what she had witnessed, even more awkward as they tried to hug her and make her feel better while she just sat unable to move staring at the floor. Unable to believe what had just happened in front of her.

It was unclear what to do for the best, watching the men argue and fight and try their best to work out why it had happened had made her feel tense and nauseous, instead she had slipped away to the officers quarters and pushed her face into the pillow he had been lying on only a few hours earlier. Her hands clung to it as if it was Rimmer himself. How could this have happened? So many questions flew around her head each evoking a new emotion but ultimately ending in her breaking down into painful short sobs. It felt like a creature was deep inside her and each time she thought of him it clawed its way up her chest until it finally hit her throat and she had to cry to appease it. Still quietly weeping into the pillow she drifted off into a disturbing sleep.

Lister found her there a few hours later and stood watching her for a while. It was difficult to assess his emotions, he was in complete shock and didn't know what to do or say. He wanted answers but they couldn't find any, hearing Paige crying for hours hadn't helped and he had been glad when she had left the labs. Kryten was looking into Rimmer's drives and Cat had slunk off somewhere by himself. Now though Lister felt he had to talk to someone, anyone would do but nobody was around. He walked over to the bed and reached over for the blanket, pulling it gently over her body he decided to leave her to her sleep, she wasn't likely to get much over the next week or so as the realisation hit her slowly that he was gone.

Personally Lister refused to believe Rimmer was gone, it was so much easier to believe that he had gone away on one of his boring sightseeing trips in the cargo decks or was stuck in another 3 weeks game of Risk with one of the skutters. Admitting he was gone was admitting he had failed, he had failed Paige and he had failed Rimmer. He walked along the ships corridors painfully aware of the morbid silence surrounding the ship, each footstep made an echo as he walked into his room and stared about. The empty bunk below him had never looked so big; the stupid little pictures and newspapers cuttings around Rimmer's bed seemed so pointless yet so important, he knew he would never take them down. It was part of who Rimmer was – and now Rimmer had lost years of adventures, experience and worst of all he had lost the knowledge of Paige. Lister wasn't sure turning him back on was the best solution, he was certain Paige couldn't deal with early Rimmer – hell he wasn't even sure if he could deal with early Rimmer. Lister threw off his shoes and sat on Rimmer's he sat in silence for a while and then finally to his surprise he started to cry. It started slowly and got gradually worse he cried for the man he had loved to hate, he cried knowing that as mind numbingly annoying as Rimmer was he would never find another person who knew him so perfectly and knew when he needed winding up or leaving alone. Without Rimmer he didn't know what he was going to do by himself in space. Without Rimmer he didn't have a clue where to turn or what to do. What was it Holly had said about Rimmer keeping him sane? Rimmer had done that job perfectly and now Lister had no idea what he was going to do next.

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Paige awoke with renewed energy and stomped into Lister's room, she stopped dead seeing him lying on Rimmer's bunk with red eyes. For a second she was furious with jealousy and rage that another place that Rimmer had laid wouldn't smell like him anymore but then she calmed down. Lister had always given Rimmer such a hard time but hadn't he told her yesterday that he was a friend? She sighed and walked over to him, sitting beside him she half smiled as he wiped his eyes dry and tried to look as though nothing was amiss. Paige hugged him tightly and felt herself starting to well up again.

"I want him back Dave" she sobbed.

"I know, so do I. I'm so sorry Paige" Lister felt a lump in his throat once more but refused to give in. "I wish he could come back"

"No. I want him back. Switch him back on. The old Rimmer." Paige stared at him determined, "I don't care how bad he is, how messed up he will remember me I know he will."

Lister stared hopelessly at her, "He wont Paige, he won't remember anything."

"I wont say it again" she half screamed, "Please, please give me him back. Please Dave, please. I can't stay here without him; I can't wake up feeling like this every day."

Lister sighed and rubbed temples with his fingers, he felt so lost and confused himself he had no idea what to do, "I'll talk to Kryten" he announced, "You stay here". Lister turned to see her crawl into Rimmer's bunk and curl into his pillow; she grabbed Rimmer's perfectly folded pyjamas from under the pillow and cuddled them to her body.

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"How's it coming along Kryten?" Lister sighed throwing himself onto a chair and staring at the light bee that Kryten was examining closely. The screens around them buzzed as they went through the millions code that complied who Rimmer was.

"Not well sir. It's completely blown. Holly is trying to see if we can find any sort of back up of his memory although I personally had never backed him up and I don't think it occurred to him to do the same." Kryten sighed and sat back from his work, "It's looking hopeless. How is Paige?"

"She wants him back."

"Well that is understandable"

"No she wants him back Kryten. She wants him turned back on immediately. The old Rimmer she thinks he will remember her, thinks she can just carry on where they left off."

"Well she clearly never met the old Rimmer did she and I am sorry to speak ill of the dead but it's never bothered me before with Mister Rimmer but he was a total inconceivable ass. Oh if only he could come back as he was he was almost tolerable in the state she knew him"

Lister threw his head back and stared at the ceiling and grimaced, "So lets bring him back – it should take roughly 6 years until we can all stand him again I suppose."

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Rimmer stared down in confusion at the girl lying in his bunk, he was more confused by that the fact that he had just materialised in his room when he was almost certain he had been talking to Captain Hollister moments earlier. In fact he was growing even more confused as he looked around the room, it wasn't like this when he had started his Z shift earlier that day. Why were all Lister's things here? He had helped pack those earlier when that idiot was sent to stasis. He prayed to god that Lister hadn't been let off and had moved back in, that would really piss him off. Shrugging he reached over and nudged the girl in his bed, he looked at her clothes and wondered who she was and where from, that wasn't a Jupiter Mining Ship Corporation uniform for a start. The word aliens swept across his mind fleetingly, but left as he looked her over once more, she was definitely human. No denying that. He perched himself on the edge carefully and nudged her once more.

"Rimmer?" she whispered, her voice groggy with sleep, she wasn't sure if she was still asleep or awake. Rubbing her eyes she stared at him, Lister must have done it, he must be back. "Rimmer!" she cried joyfully throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him, Rimmer jumped up in alarm cracking his head against the top of his bunk he cursed and stood in front of her. Paige touched her lips sadly, that wasn't her Rimmer at all, he didn't kiss right.

"You better have a bloody good reason for doing that Miss. I don't even know you, what the smeg are you doing in my bed? Did Lister put you up to this? Right that's it, he's on report. I will see him on ship painting duty for bringing a prostitute on board" Rimmer stormed out of the room hell-bent on revenge and left Paige sitting there still touching her lips in shock.


	14. It's Over

Rimmer sat blinking as he took in the information, he hadn't moved or uttered a sound for more than ten minutes; in fact Lister was getting quite worried that a man with an opinion on everything had nothing to say about the fact that he was dead and the girl he had just offended was most likely half way in love with another version of himself.

"You okay man?" Lister asked, he couldn't keep friendly affection from his voice even though he was itching to get to Paige and see how she was faring after Rimmer's outburst. "Look I don't know what else to say, I have explained all of this as best as I can. I told her we shouldn't have switched you back on – you aren't the man she knows!"

When Rimmer didn't answer him Lister stood up, he was rather impressed if truth be told, the first time Rimmer had been told he was dead it was all Lister had heard about for hours afterwards, now Rimmer just seemed in shock at the idea that a woman had cared for him albeit another version of him.

"Rimmer? Look I am going to check on Paige okay? I will be back yeah?"

Rimmer blinked and looked round silently; he nodded in acknowledgement and turned back to the dent in the floor he had been staring at for the last few minutes, as soon as Lister had left the drive room he told Holly to lock the doors.

"Holly load up the black box and show me the last two weeks – I want every file on Paige and the anti Rimmer and I don't want to be disturbed.

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Lister cracked open a beer and passed it to Paige, opening one of his own he sat beside her on the bunk and smiled. "So? What's new?"

"I'm such an idiot, why didn't I listen to you? That wasn't him! I don't know him, he just looks like him and somehow it feels so much worse knowing he is gone and now an imposter is walking around in his skin"

"Im sorry but that is him. Same memories, same annoying habits he's just a good few years different that's all. I don't know, I don't know what to advise you but maybe you should try spending some time with him, see if anything about him reminds you of your Rimmer. It's worth a shot surely?"

"This is going to sound crazy but .. with him being so different, it almost feels like I would be cheating on him. I mean I am still thinking he's going to come walking through that door any minute …"

"I know. It's going to be weird." Lister took a swig of his beer and didn't miss the look of disgust on Paige's face as a little of his can dribbled down his chin and onto his t-shirt. Unfazed he wiped the beer into his clothing and stood up. "Try him out. I'm going to find Cat – I haven't seen him since Rimmer … I mean. Since earlier" Lister winced at the memory of finding out his friend was dead and walked out of the room leaving Paige to her beer and her thoughts.

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Paige downed hungrily on her beer and slightly considered drinking herself into oblivion; a drunken stupor would feel a lot better than she did right now, even is Lister was right she just wanted her Arnold back. Not that awkward rude man she just had the misfortune to encounter. That wasn't her Rimmer, though Lister said that's what her Rimmer used to be. It was so confusing for her. Drinking more of her can she stood up in determination, threw the remainder of the can in the bin and stomped to the Drive room.

"Holly open the door!" Paige ordered.

"He has asked not to be disturbed." Holly whispered meekly.

"Well if he's paying me by the hour I think he would prefer me in there don't you?" she retorted still smarting from the prostitute comment.

"It's your funeral!" Holly muttered opening the door and relocking it once she had entered.

Rimmer didn't look up; his eyes were glued to their first kiss. He had watched it 21 times now and still couldn't stop watching it. It was like watching some sort of fairytale; she looked so completely involved in everything he was saying, everything he was doing. He was hugging her close, he looked confident with the woman he was sitting with, not tense and nervous. It wasn't him; it wasn't anything he remembered doing it felt so strange to see himself so relaxed he felt emotion rattling through him.

"You took me out there as a surprise" Paige whispered, she stared at the screen and watched herself kiss his cheek, she remembered how much courage she had summoned to do that.

Rimmer turned round and looked at her, Paige's eye's filled with tears at the sight of him, "You were so lovely to me." She sobbed, "We lay out there talking for hours and hours. You kissed me so awkwardly and strange and then it all clicked together and it was perfect." Paige looked at the screen again, Rimmer spun back round to watch himself pull her close and kiss her gently on the lips. Paige looked away, it was too painful to watch she hugged her body and walked over to the window looking out. "You stayed with me when I was unconscious. Stayed and held my hand and made everything better, you even went back to the ship to get some things to make me feel more at home."

"It wasn't me" Rimmer stammered standing up, "I mean I just found out under an hour ago that I am dead and now I am stood with someone another version of me was close to and I have no idea what to say to you at all. I don't even know you"

Paige turned and looked at him sighing, "It's like some sick nightmare" she cried, her eyes fell on the screen behind him and there she was pinned against a wall with Rimmer kissing her all over. "That was a few hours before you blew!" she muttered.

Rimmer stared longingly at the image and turned back to her, "I didn't blow. I am here" he insisted stubbornly. "This is me here and whatever he did or you did it is nothing to do with me."

Paige stepped closer to him and stared into his eyes, "Rimmer look at me, please. Do you really not remember anything? You don't feel anything?" she was near to tears again as she found herself clinging pathetically to his jacket.

Rimmer said nothing he just looked away from her, "I don't know what you want me to say Paige? I really don't. I don't know you. I have no memories at all, nothing"

Paige's eyes hardened "I don't believe for one moment that you don't want to throw me on that table right now. You may be a different man but you still have his drives and his emotions. Lister was right, I made a terrible mistake in thinking I could ever make you look at me like he did, and I don't know why I even wanted to. I should have known that there is no one like him, all I have to do now is try to stay out of your way because I can't look at you and think of him" Paige stared at him, she wanted to kiss him and punch him at the same time but couldn't work out which one to do. Instead she swallowed the lump in her throat and spun on her heel and left.

Rimmer stared after her as she stormed out he didn't know why but he felt like he had just taken the hardest slap of his life. "Holly lock the door" he ordered, "and next time I say 'I don't want to be disturbed' try following an order you jumped up little goit". After getting no reply Rimmer re-watched every conversation he had ever supposedly had with Paige and found himself smiling at their antics and shared kisses. It wasn't him though, it wasn't something he would ever dream of doing, and he wasn't capable of the feelings that the other Rimmer seemed to be expressing. It just wasn't him, he switched off the monitor and stared into space, what the hell was he supposed to do now? All he could do as far as he could see would be to stick to his plans, if the crew were mad at him he would simply keep out of their way. He was still the highest ranking member of staff aboard this ship, he would simply rise further, he may be dead but he could still touch things and move things. There was nothing to stop him passing the officers exam and taking control of his own ship.


	15. Laundry & Love

Kryten hummed softly while he made his way through his large pile of ironing, while he was well aware he was programmed to pay attention to detail he felt it was that little extra bit of love and devotion he gave to the chore that made it pleasant. With Cat changing his outfit at least three times a day he never found himself idle around the laundry rooms. Collar first, then the sleeves, then each frill and lapel and finally the body then the handkerchiefs. Kryten lifted a small waistcoat in the air and smiled happily at its now crease free state. Hanging it gently on the now full rail he nodded to the skutters to wheel it up to the Cat's room and turned round to find Listers laundry which consisted of two socks and some long johns. Kryten snarled, it took him months to convince Lister to wash all of his clothes and lately Kryten had taken to sneaking into the bunk and removing the clothes whilst Lister showered. Paige on the other hand had a lot of lovely new items for Kryten to learn how to iron and she never failed to send him a full basket, usually with a lovely note of thanks or some WD40 or something equally as useful to a mechanoid.

Kryten stared guiltily at the small pile of clothing just out of sight, "Mister Rimmer" Kryten said glumly, finally walking over and lifting the basket. Since Rimmer became a hard light he had insisted stubbornly as being treated as human and therefore he had demanded he be allowed to wear clothes once more. Kryten lifted his shirts and t-shirts out of the basket and stared at them, t-shirts with 'Arnie does it best' and 'Give quiche a chance' not to mention that Rimmer's favourite home made t-shirt 'The dead do it dirty', Kryten recalled that hadn't been a favourite with Paige when she had seen him wearing it proudly. He made a log in his database to remind himself to ask the new Mister Rimmer if he would like to wear clothes or if he would prefer Holly to organise his wardrobe? Poor Mister Rimmer. Kryten couldn't work out his new emotion he was having every time he thought of Rimmer he couldn't work out if he genuinely missed the Rimmer he was used to or if he was so heartbreakingly sorry for Paige who had to deal with the death of someone close while looking at him everyday. Sometimes Kryten was glad he was a machine.

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Cat sat preening himself in the landing decks or Red Dwarf, Lister was with him staring up at Starbug with longing. They had been planning another moon trip and a blow out party to formally welcome Paige as a new member of the crew, it had been Rimmer's idea actually but with recent events taken into account it had been put on hold.

"Man I really wanted to get her out there and stretch her legs" Lister sighed patting Starbug. He turned to the skutters and watched them polishing her underbelly, grabbed his cloth and continued to shine up her leg.

"Why are you polishing that iron junk anyway?" Cat hissed, "I mean it's just a machine."

"Ah you will never understand men and machines my feline friend. A big beautiful engine and a huge hulk of machine are as inviting and as beautiful to a man as…" Lister thought hard to think of a cat equivalent, "It's like when you brush your hair yeah? You do that to fix it up, you shine it, and you show it off. That's what men do with machines. I mean sure Ol' Bug is a little bigger than my old motorbike but she's still a bitch from hell when you get her out into the stars." Lister stared dreamily at the bug once more and sat beside Cat watching the skutters. "She's just so pretty" he sighed.

Cat looked at his hair then back at the machine and scowled, he wasn't even going to point out how much more useful his hair was or how much more beautiful because it would just fall on deaf ears.

"Is Paige still in the AR unit?" Cat asked looking around him then leaning back into a full body satisfied stretch.

"Yeah I showed her all of those kick boxing games and martial arts simulation discs, I think it's been really good for her – she needs to get all of her pent up energy out. She has done nothing but play them for the last few days actually, I think she is avoiding him." Lister stared at his oil ridden hands, "I guess my trying to get her and the new Rimmer together didn't exactly work out."

"Meh don't sweat it bud you tried. He's just a totally different person; personally I just avoid him it is much easier to pretend he doesn't exist than be quoted another space corp directive."

Lister half smiled at Cat and watched him curl up on a storage box and drift off to sleep. Ignoring Rimmer wasn't that easy for Lister, he shared a bunk with him and had to watch him sit over his text books or he was forced to answer hundreds of questions about the old Rimmer and Paige. Rimmer seemed to hate his alternate self with a passion which didn't make life easy for Lister who had sort of been friends with the old one. It was Lister however who heard Rimmer cry himself to sleep at night so whatever the Cat said he couldn't just turn his back upon him. The new Rimmer might be difficult at times but the old Rimmer was in there somewhere, it would just take some time before he felt comfortable enough to relax and be himself.

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Paige walked silently along the corridors; she had been sleeping in the officer's quarters again and felt haggard. Now she had been asleep for 8 hours she woke and made her way back to the AR unit she felt so tired and weak but that didn't matter once she put the helmet on, all the pain went away then. Checking around each corner she waited to ensure she wouldn't bump into anyone else and snuck quickly into the AR unit, pulling her favourite game from under her sweater she inserted it into the drive and ordered Holly to lock the door.

Holly said nothing, he did as he was bid but he knew he couldn't watch her destroy herself like this any longer, he would have to do something, he would have to be a snitch and tell Lister, Lister would fix it. He could be replied upon like that; smiling at his plan he loaded up 'Better than Life' and left her to it.

Paige opened her eyes and found herself sat outside of the ship, she stared and waited, it wouldn't be long now. Within minutes she saw his image start to appear in the distance he was walking towards her determinedly picking up his pace, she sighed seeing the light gleam on his blue suit as he came more into focus she picked out his gentle smile and started walking towards him, there was no H on his forehead but he was there and he was hers.

"Arnold" she shouted as she jumped into his arms, Rimmer squeezed her tightly to him and kissed her.

"I'm here" he whispered, "I am never going away again. I promise"

Paige blinked and found them lying together on Red Dwarf, curled up they locked legs and lay kissing each other softly. They never spoke much, he told her he loved her and that he wouldn't die, sometimes he told her he was human, other times he appeared as a hologram. Paige didn't need him to talk she just needed to feel him, even whilst in the game she stared into his eyes and wanted to cry at the injustice of it, that she had to come into a game to see him, to feel him and hold him. Her only escape was her prison, she wanted to pull him out of there with her and take him on board the ship but as with everything else in the game he existed only in her mind. Paige held him tighter and closed her eyes, "I loved you Rimmer" she wept, "I didn't even tell you but I really loved you"

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"This isn't right" Lister turned the monitor off, "I don't feel right watching it Holly" he stood and stared at the floor with his hands on his hips. How stupid had he been, of course Paige would have found 'Better than Life' and once she realised she could get her Rimmer back she would plug in every day and just waste away there.

"Dave, I can't stop her from putting it in, I need you to help her"

"Okay Holly. Damn. I just don't know what to do. How do I tell her to stay away from what she wants?"

"I've been thinking actually" Holly smiled.

"That sounds dangerous" Cat grinned walking in with Kryten, "What's the news? Why did you call us here?"

Lister motioned to the monitor which Kryten flicked on and stared at glumly, Cat watched for a few seconds as well and had to turn away. They all shared a few worried glances before they looked back at Holly, who once given the attention of the group carried on with his speech.

"Rimmer knew how fragile the hologram discs were, how do we know he didn't make a copy of himself and put it somewhere safe?"

"Wouldn't he have needed you to do that?" Cat asked.

"Well yes, or Kryten, but if he had wanted to it to be a secret then he would have made us erase our memories immediately afterwards" Holly continued, "Arnold being Arnold I am almost sure he is just cunning enough to do something like that"

"Or are we giving him far too much credit?" Lister half mocked, "I mean if he did do that, what's the point? None of us know where it is? So he will stay erased."

"If he did decide to do it" Kryten thought aloud, "It would have almost certainly be after a time when his life was in jeopardy, perhaps after that world created by his own mind or perhaps after the inquisitor visited us, he was quite shook up about that!"

"Even Rimmer then is better than the one we have now, he's miserable, Paige is half killing herself and we have had to put off our smegging party. Ok so let's assume Rimmer might have had the brains to save himself – how do we find it?"

"I'm afraid the only way to do that sir" Kryten frowned, "Would be to gain the trust of the new Rimmer. His mind works the same, only he would know where he would hide a disc"

Rimmer sat on the floor outside listening to the conversation; he leant his head against the wall and sighed. Deciding he had heard more than enough he stood up to leave, ignoring the stinging in his eyes he walked down the corridors thinking hard where he would store a disc if he needed to.

"Kryten, this is a lot more complicated than all that" Lister shook his head, "We are talking about the new Rimmer now as if he doesn't have a say in any of this, he is here too. We need to talk to him properly, none of this heartless ambush business, that isn't the way to do it"


	16. Death

"Rimmer, would you say I am A) hunky, B) sexy or C) pretty?"

"I would say with open honesty that you are regurgitated garbage with extra slime"

"I was only asking" Lister snapped, "It says in this mag that men are one of the three to woman, though in your case I think they missed D) a complete smegger."

"Oh dry up Lister"

Rimmer had been feeling particularly sensitive since he had heard everyone planning his assassination earlier that day; he wasn't in the mood to suffer Lister and his annoying and pointless questions. He had spent a lot of today re-watching the black box and not just of him and Paige but of his other self going about his business about the ship, while he wasn't the favourite among the gang the man had said what he felt and seemed more relaxed and respected than he felt now. The other Rimmer was a completely different person, they shared a lot of the same interests and were both equally wound up by Lister but otherwise they were opposite people, the new Rimmer for example couldn't imagine joking around with people as easily as the old one did, he couldn't imagine himself in the arms of a beautiful woman, he couldn't imagine himself as anything other than a disliked stain of a person.

"God I am bored" Lister sighed throwing the magazine to one side, "Dya fancy going for a drink?"

"A drink?" Rimmer scoffed, "Lister I have equations to memorise, I have theories to read up on. Why would I waste time with you drinking when I could be bettering myself?"

"The other Rimmer used to come for a drink with me" Lister sulked, "He didn't waste his time reading up on all of that stuff"

"Well that is because he was a fool" Rimmer snarled, "If he had spent more time reading instead of wasting time with you then maybe he would have been an officer by now. I have been given a second chance Listy and I don't intend to waste it" Rimmer turned back to the book in his hand and pulled a face at the confusing tangle of sums in front of him, "Why did the other Rimmer stop making sense of all this anyway?" he asked waving the book in Lister's face, "I mean he could have done everything we ever wanted to"

"Do you really want to know?" Lister asked jumping to the floor and staring into Rimme'rs eyes, "Because after years and years in deep space he finally realised that he was never ever going to get his fathers approval and that deep deep down he didn't actually give a smeg about any of that rubbish" Lister motioned to the piles of books on the table, "He didn't care about those sums or equations because deep deep down he didn't actually have a serious interest in them, he just did them because that was what he was told to do, what his family wanted him to do, you will realise this soon enough Arnie, but if you just sit back and really think about it, you don't understand it, its boring as shit and no one gives a smeg" Lister slung his hands in his pockets and smiled, "Seriously, think about it. I will be in the bar if you fancy a quick one."

Rimmer sat stunned for awhile, he stared at the book for a few more minutes then hurled it with frustration at the wall. He thought upon the other Rimmer and his easy life, his contented life and lifted a tiny disc from his pocket and knew what to do.

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Rimmer wandered the halls contemplating everything Lister had said, he found his feet leading him to the bar and peered inside to see Lister, Paige, Cat and Kryten all sat around with various drinks and snacks. Paige looked thin and tired but the others seemed to be having a good time, Rimmer swallowed his pride and stepped into the room, smiling meekly at Lister he walked behind the bar and poured himself a large glass of white wine. Silence overcame them all as he pulled up a chair and sat beside Paige. Lister continued talking to draw attention away from the new arrival and continued making lively jokes with the Cat.

Rimmer stared into his glass and took a large swig, tonight he was going to get completely and utterly rat arsed because everything he had ever wanted meant completely nothing to him anymore. After a long thought he had finally decided that the other Rimmer seemed to have it all sorted, sure he might still have wanted more from life but from where he was standing having friends and a girlfriend seemed a lot more interesting that what he had now. Rimmer turned to look at Paige, he could see tension etched all over her as she tried her hardest to keep her eyes away from him, she looked tired and drawn and thought about what Lister had said about her addiction to the AR unit. Swilling his glass he drank more of his wine and wished he could do something to make everything easier between them all.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked Paige quietly, he felt a shiver run through him as her dark eyes met his. "Privately?" he half pleaded motioning to the door.

Paige sighed and stood up; Lister's eyes followed her as she walked out of the room following quickly by Rimmer. Once in the corridor Paige turned and waited for him to speak.

Rimmer gulped and stared at the floor, "I have been thinking, I know its not easy for you to see me all the time and believe me if I had a choice in any of this I would love to pick up where he left off, I would love to treat you kindly and hold you and want you but something just isn't there. I can't relax; I can't get my head around the other Rimmer or around my being dead. In fact now I just feel like I don't want to be here at all, I mean I can't become an officer can I? I was never going to become one" he laughed quietly, "I cant do anything, and I know that now but I cant be content not achieving what I wanted, even though it wasn't what I really wanted. I have something for you" Rimmer hesitated for a moment and reached for her hand. Paige gasped as he placed a small disc in her hand. "It's him, well it is me" Rimmer sighed, "I found him. Look I am really not good at stuff like this but .. please make him happy? Make me happy?"

Paige stared at the disc in her hand and then back at the man in front of her, "Rimmer, I don't know what to say?! Where did you find this? How did you know" she whispered.

"Just say that you will make him happy? At least one version of me deserves that. Tell him .. tell him to forget wanting to be an officer and make it his new mission to look after you." he half smiled and reached forward, hugging her gently he carefully laid her lips upon hers and kissed her. "I am so fucking lucky" he sighed, kissing her again he finally relaxed. Paige welcomed his kiss and clung to him. Holly watched them and waited, and then he did what Rimmer had asked him to do earlier. He switched him off.


	17. Love

Paige opened her eyes and he was gone, she had felt Rimmer slowly vanish as she kissed him yet was still shocked to see he was gone, she stood blinking with her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. She swallowed a lump in her throat and managed a smile, staring down at the disc in her hand she slid to the floor, he had made the ultimate sacrifice for his own happiness, Paige twirled the disc round her fingers and wondered what version of Rimmer would be stored on the disc, and would he remember her? Where had this thing been anyway?

Almost as if he read her thoughts Holly appeared smiling, "He came to me with it earlier, and apparently he had stored himself with a video note. The Rimmer on the disc is your one; he made a copy of himself the night after you first kissed." Holly rolled his eyes, "Something about accepting feelings he had never wanted or understood and how if he died tomorrow he wouldn't want to come back unless he remembered this moment. It was very touching I almost threw up computer chips"

Paige wiped away a tear and smiled, "How do I get this thing working?"

Holly directed her to the hologramatic suite and explained the technology behind Rimmer while they waited for the disc to be scanned and loaded. Paige was almost pulling her hair out with tension as she watched the different screens load various data. "So where was it again?" she asked trying to occupy her mind.

"Tagged inside his death video" Holly laughed, "Should have known really, he is so proud of that tape, we have to watch it every year on his death day. I think Lister voluntarily knocked himself unconscious to avoid it last year."

"Death video? Death day? What the hell?" Paige half laughed at how ridiculous it sounded, "Who celebrates death?"

"Ah its more of a mourning ceremony, the only reason we go along with it is there is usually a big piss up at the end." Holly watched Paige shaking her head, "Paige…" he waited until he had her full attention, "It's really important to him" Holly nodded and then carried on booting up the disc. "Just a few more seconds now"

Paige thought on what had been said and decided to remain quiet about it until she could talk to Rimmer in person, she began pacing the room trying desperately to control the butterflies in her stomach. Even if she had all day she couldn't ever explain her feelings to anyone, to go from accepting that she would never hold him again to then being given him on a plate was too much to comprehend. She met Holly's eyes and saw him wink at her then vanish, she jumped as the lights dimmer and closed her eyes praying that something hadn't gone wrong again. Opening one eye carefully she turned round slowly to see Rimmer standing there, he was staring into the air as if he was reading something above her head then he cocked his head to the side and looked around. Paige held her breathe and said nothing, she daren't move in case it all went horribly wrong. Rimmer shook his head slightly and looked about the room, finally he blinked and yawned then looked right at her, Paige melted as his face broke into the happiest smile she had ever seen.

"Paige" he whispered, "You have been through a lot in my absence haven't you?" he laughed stepping towards her and lifting her in his arms. Paige still couldn't say anything, she wrapped herself tightly around him and swore she would never let go again. Rimmer leant against the counter and swayed her gently, "It's okay. I know everything. Holly played the last week or so of the black box to me just now, that's why I took so long to boot up. I am so sorry you had to go through all that because of me, it was my fault."

Paige leant on his shoulder and felt an anger rise up in her, jumping back she glared at him and slapped him soundly round the face, entirely forgetting her superior strength she didn't realise quite how hard she would hit or, nor quite how far he would travel across the room.

Rimmer climbed up from the floor with a scarlet face, "what the smeg was that for?" he cried, "Jesus Christ"

Paige couldn't stop herself, she rounded on him furiously pointing at him, "If you ever have even so much as a cough in the future I want to know about it, why didn't you tell me you had a stress related illness? Why did you get into bed that night without telling Holly how ill you felt?"

Rimmer's eyes softened, "I should have told you, I should have told the others but it just didn't come up, I mean we had barely been dating long it isn't really a cheerful conversation is it? I'm sorry. It's going to be okay now"

"No its not" Paige cried hurling a chair across the room, "You were dead, you left me. I was all alone again, you just left me" Rimmer grabbed her and pulled her to him, she struggled and fought and cried but he stayed firm, "You just left, you were dead, I had to watch you die and it was the worst thing ever, it was horrible" Rimmer waited until her anger vanished and she was left in his arms weak and tired. He lifted her gently and took her to a chair, relaxing himself into it he sat stroking her hair until she was ready to talk to him; again he began swaying slowly to calm her. He took the few minutes silence to think over all Holly had shown him, brief images of her crying herself to sleep had raised anger in him, mainly at his own stupidity, from now he would save himself on a regular basis and always let Paige know where the disc was.

Paige lay feeling ashamed of her actions but she felt a complete weight off her mind, as if some uncomfortable energy bubble inside her had burst open and now she didn't feel so emotionally bloated. "I'm sorry Arnold" she finally whispered, "I don't know where that came from"

Rimmer smiled and kissed her forehead, "It came from in there" he tapped the side of her head, "Everyone needs to vent sometime Paige. Come here!" he turned her round to face him properly and looked at her face, "You have lost weight" he frowned.

"I wasn't very hungry anymore" she smiled studying his face, "You haven't changed at all" she reached forward and touching his hair, "You look completely the same"

"Yeah get used to that" he laughed, "Because when you are eighty and old and grey, I will still be this young and smeggy looking"

"You are the most handsome man I know, Mr Rimmer" Paige laughed seeing him blush and stare the buttons on his top. "I love you Rimmer. I know that's crazy because we hadn't been dating that long before you exploded in my face…."

"Please be careful who you say that too" Rimmer frowned.

"Will you just shut up and listen to me?" Paige growled, "I am trying to tell you something here you smegpot. I am trying to say that I love you, Arnold J Rimmer I bloody love you."

Rimmer stared at her, any other time he would have assumed this was a sick joke but for the first time in his life he looked at another human being and knew she wouldn't do that to him, for the first time in his life he felt complete trust for another human being and wasn't sure which he was more elated by, knowing he trusted her or knowing she loved him.

"Paige .. I …"

They were interrupted by Lister booting the door open, "Rimmer!" he cried, followed shortly by the Cat and Kryten, "Rimmer you are back! Holly just told us, is it really you?"

"Rimmer stared back to Paige and felt crushed at their ruined moment, he hadn't been able to tell her he loved her back, he had been able to kiss her, he hadn't put his plan of throwing her on the table into action, he saw a fleeting look of disappointment on her face but knew from her smile that he had to address the others immediately.

Rimmer stood up and placed Paige back on the floor, he stared at Lister – that black box had shown another side to Lister he had taken care of Paige and had openly mourned him. Whether they annoyed each other for the rest of their lives Rimmer now knew the depths of their friendship. Without even thinking Lister and Rimmer threw their arms round each other and hugged, it was an odd moment for the both of them broken swiftly as they shrugged each other off and stared awkwardly at each other. "Good to have you back man" Lister nodded.

"It is good to be back" Rimmer smiled.

Cat stood aloof but winked at Rimmer slyly, "Welcome back bud" and after shaking his hand several times and apologising profusely for not being able to stop the virus Kryten fussed about fetching drinks and snacks for everyone.

An two hours and four bottles of wine later everyone sat around the table comfortably on their way to being tipsy, Rimmer was enjoying being centre of attention for once but had his eye on Paige, he couldn't wait to be alone with her again. Slipping his hand under the table he squeezed her knee gently and stroked her leg. Paige smiled at him, slipping her hand under the table to meet his own; they laced fingers and stroked each others palms with their thumbs. They had talked about the virus, the anti Rimmer and general chit chat for a while

"So what was it like being dead?" Cat screeched everyone around groaned waiting for another one of Rimmer's epic speeches about life and death. Lister winced then stared in shock when it didn't come, instead Rimmer just shrugged and smiled at Paige again.

"Didn't feel like anything really, it was just a week long blink. I only knew something had happened when Holly booted me up and showed me the black box before I was able to speak or move. I know you all really tried to save me from that bug and I am really thankful, from now on I am going to get Holly to save me each week to make sure this doesn't happen again"

"Unless we feel like another break" Lister joked trying to regain some normality, he had enjoyed the last hour or so having a chat with Rimmer and he even dared to admit that he enjoyed the hug but now it was back to business.

"Oh shut up gerbil features" Rimmer growled. Paige stared at the two of them and saw a shared smile, a shared enjoyment of the abuse and rolled her eyes. She yawned loudly to gain some attention and when that failed she stood up and draped her arms around Rimmer's neck.

"Well gentlemen, I know you have all missed Rimmer and technically you all knew him longer and deserve him more than I do, but as the only woman on board this ship I am officially going to be high maintenance and demand the attention of my man, come on."

Everyone laughed as Rimmer was half dragged out of his chair towards the door. "Looks like I will see you guys in the morning then" Rimmer choked, "I am going to die more often" with one last wink he vanished round the door.


	18. Better than life

**Authors note - I am finding this rather hard now due to restrictions on the site etc I can't really write this chapter how I had it planned due to censorship and stuff, Im still a bit worried that what I have wrote might be a bit too much but I will say now this one gets a bit suggestive and a little bit x-ratedl. Mmmmm I just love it! :D**

Paige led Rimmer round the ship, she didn't even know where she was heading she just wanted him to herself, they had been chatting away and holding hands for over an hour now. After everything she had been through recently she just wanted to feel like a normal girl with a normal guy. It didn't help when she hit reality and accepted she was in space, alone and was dating a man that had been dead for three million years.

"What are you looking at me like that for?"

"No reason" Paige laughed, "It is just really good to see you again that's all."

Rimmer smiled satisfied with the answer and continued walking, "So how do you feel now? After all of this I mean."

"Its all a bit mad" Paige sighed, "I cant really talk about what it was like to lose you, I don't even think I do want to think about losing you again because …"

"It isn't going to happen again Paige" Rimmer stopped her and hugged her, "I have a reason to save myself now don't I? I won't do this to you ever again."

"Do you know how weird it is to date a guy that saves himself" Paige caught the look on Rimmer's face and instantly regretted what she said. "Sorry" she fell over her words, "I didn't mean to …."

"No its okay" Rimmer sighed, "Look I know this isn't a normal relationship, I mean in under a month we have both died and lived in cramped conditions and had to deal with all this rubbish. If I could date you like you deserve, if I could take you to a restaurant and show you off and book a hotel and take you for walks and drives. If I could make you the happiest woman alive, I would do it in an instant"

"Rimmer, I am the happiest woman alive and I know I can say that because I am the last woman alive" Paige mulled over her death and the inability to breathe and wondered if she could get away with saying she was alive, "I think. Yeah I will go with that, and I have an idea, we could go for a real life date – we still have Better than Life"

Rimmer smiled at her thinking face and rubbed her back, Paige felt him pushing her backwards and the cold wall press against her back as his warm lips touched hers. It was their first proper kiss since he had been switched back on and Rimmer was making it one to remember, with one arm he supported her and lifted her gently into his arms, Paige made happy murmurs as she kissed him back with just as much gusto, running her fingers through his hair and stroking his neck. Rimmer pulled back from the kiss, suddenly remembering what he had been unable to say earlier.

"I love you Paige."

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Holly waited until the couple had strapped themselves in and switched on Better than Life – he turned the monitors off outside the AR suite so no one else could watch what they were doing, if their constant kissing and groping in the corridors had anything to do with it, Holly had a feeling this would be a very X rated game.

Paige opened her eyes and found Rimmer beside her, they were stood in the middle of a hotel lobby, Paige felt ashamed immediately of her dirty trousers and vest top all the people around her were in beautiful long dresses with curled hair, Rimmer blinked and stared around at all the officers and men in tuxedos.

"Do you think we are under dressed?" he asked Paige out the side of his mouth. Paige laughed and slipped her hand through his, she pulled him away from the lobby and out of the hotel.

"What do you want to do?" she asked Rimmer.

"I don't know, I haven't played this game for years. I can't remember how to work it – I am assuming if I think of something I want it happens right?"

Paige nodded and jumped with shock as her surroundings changed, "I've never played this with anyone else before" she laughed, "I got a shock when things I didn't think of actually just changed" Paige looked around to see themselves in a hot beach, the water was a clear blue and the sun felt good on her body. Body? Looking down quickly she found herself in a small blue bikini.

"Rimmer!" she squeaked dropping to the floor and pulling her knees up to cover her body, she suddenly felt very naked, she looked up to find him laughing in a shorts and t-shirt. "Oh no you don't" she thought and laughed at his face when he realised he was suddenly in swimming trunks.

"Just be thankful I wasn't thinking of a topless beach" he winked pulling her to her feet, "What are you hiding anyway? A) this is the first time I have seen your body and I think I should be allowed to see it and B) there is no one else on this beach!"

Paige looked up and down the beach and found his words to be true, she smiled as he pulled her close and shivered as she felt her flesh touch him, he was running his hands up and down her back, feeling each curve and tracing around her hips. Paige felt a little shy with them both being lone and practically naked but realised she only felt nervous because she was worried he wouldn't like her body, not because she was worried about being with him. Reaching out she ran her hands along his surprisingly toned chest and smiled, "Okay" she nodded; and imagined some palm trees to shelter them from the sun, one large lounger and two drinks.

"I like your work" Rimmer winked and then he turned to look at the sea and grabbed her, lifting her in his arms he ran towards the water laughing as Paige screamed and tried to escape. "Not a chance love" he laughed, "The water is warm anyway" he walked up to his waist and held her just above water. "Now repeat after me, I love Arnold J Rimmer"

"Arnold Judas Rimmer I swear to god…"

"Sorry – god is busy" Rimmer laughed cruelly and dropped her into the water, he laughed even hardly as she stood up with dripping wet hair and glared at him, she flung her wet hair out of her face and pulled him close draping her arms around her neck she spoke, "Arnold J Rimmer, I fucking love you to absolute pieces" she leant in and kissed him between each word. "However I think you are forgetting something" Paige laughed, "I am a lot stronger than you" she shoved him as hard as she could and screamed in frustration when he fell backwards slowly. "Where has my strength gone? You should be about a mile away!"

"I just wished it away" Rimmer laughed standing back up, "You are just a normal lass with a normal lad in here girlie" Rimmer smiled as she ran her hands over his wet chest, walking in deeper into the sea she jumped up on his hips and wrapped her legs round his middle. They stood kissing and talking in the warm water until the sun began to set, the sky glowed beautiful oranges and pinks as they swum around and chased each other.

Rimmer jumped in shock when a pod of killer whales swam past, "Fuck, I didn't expect that" he laughed as Paige reached out to run her hands along one of them. He watched her cautiously playing with them not feeling entirely comfortable at the size of them, a baby orca nuzzled him slightly and even that made him nervous, he was relieved when Paige swam back to him, "Wasn't that amazing? I always loved whales. Whales, dolphins, sharks anything that lives in the sea really"

"Did you just say sharks? Bugger this" Rimmer gripped her tight and waded as fast as he could out of the water holding a laughing Paige tightly round his waist.

"I didn't want one in the sea with us! That would be stupid, why would I want one?" Paige laughed with her arms around his neck, she stared out to the sea and saw her whales leaving, to her alarm she swore she saw a sharks fin swimming in circled them vanish under the waves. "Rimmer!" she cried pointing at it.

"I can't help it, do not give my mind a reason to ruin this" he laughed now that they were on dry land, "Come on lets have those drinks" she laid her down upon the lounger and climbed up beside her.

"Mmmm" Paige hummed, "How nice is it just lying in the sun like this?"

"Holly said you had been coming here a lot recently"

"Yeah." Paige played with his chest hair as she lay with him, "I found you here. Well it wasn't you, but it was more you than the other one. I used to come here to lie with you." Paige yawned, "I prefer lying here with the real you. I could lie here forever"

Rimmer hugged her close to his wet body and closed his eyes, the sun felt warm and good upon their bodies within minutes he felt Paige going limp as she fell asleep curled round him. He stared up at the sky with a smile, seeing a blue sky was a novelty after living in space for so long, with one quick request from his brain he soon had some clouds to look for shapes among, he felt Paige stir and try to pull him closer, he turned on his side so that she could hold him directly beside her. Lying there he leant forward and kissed her, he was still amazed at how beautiful and soft her skin was and couldn't help himself running his hand down her torso, he felt butterflies and excitement building up inside him as he looked upon her.

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Paige reached out and felt warm soft material, opening one eye gently she stared about confused in her sleep addled mind. "Rimmer?" she called out. Opening both eyes she looked around and remembered they were in the game, she didn't remember leaving the beach though. Now she was curled up in a big four poster double bed, the pillows felt like heaven, she was aware of the shower going and saw steam coming from the bathroom, jumping up out of the bed she stared down at a sexy black negligee she was currently wearing, "Rimmer" she scolded quietly, with a laugh she opened the bathroom door slightly and peered in.

"Thank god for glass showers" she privately thought watching water trickle down his back in rivulets, she blinked with pleasant shock as she stared at him washing his body with his back to her, "I'm not a pervert, I am not a pervert" she repeated to herself, but she couldn't keep her eyes off his toned wet body, and found herself biting her lip looking at his little peach bum. When she looked back up her eyes met his suddenly and she squeaked and jumped back praying he hadn't seen her. Paige peeked back and saw him stood leaning against the shower with an eyebrow raised.

"Can I help you?" he asked, Paige gulped and tried her hardest to keep her eyes on his face, and she stepped into the bathroom and walked towards him.

"No, I was just wondering where you were and what you were doing" she smiled sweetly and stopped in front if him, her whole body was urging her to look down and she was finding it hard to fight.

"Nothing else?" he smiled, "I mean you weren't watching me shower or anything?"

"No no no." Paige shook her head, "Not like that." He looked at the door behind her and she took her chance to stare down at one particular part of his naked body, when Rimmer turned back her eyes were wide open and she couldn't stop smiling. Paige felt herself blushing but she didn't care, reaching forwards she pushed him backwards into the shower and kissed him. Rimmer half slipped to hold her and let out a growl as he felt her pushing against a part of him that until recently only himself or plastic has touched. Neither of them were sure whose mind flicked the shower back on but within minutes Paige's negligee was soaked and thrown out of the shower, after a playful hour of touching, washing and getting to know each others bodies one of them wished them into the bed together. Rimmer began to panic and stopped, "What's wrong?" Paige asked stroking his body.

"Nothing" he shook his head and continued kissing her, his mind was screaming. There was no way in hell he would be any good at this. One time he had done this and even then he lad lain there with little or no communication whiles Ivonne McGruder had her way with him for a bet. Rimmer shook his head again and tried to forget the past, he smiled down at her and looked over her naked body. _I can do this - just relax_ he told himself, it wouldn't be like the other time because he loved this girl and they could explore and relax. Taking a deep breath he tried to take some control of the situation and lie over her slightly, still kissing her gently he felt himself shaking with nerves. _Damn body don't let me down now,_ he cursed, _stop shaking, there isn't anything to fear dammit._

Paige lay watching him internally fight with himself, she wasn't sure if he was aware just how obviously his face told the world what he was thinking. "Rimmer?" she spoke softly, "Please relax" she sat up slightly and kissed him, Rimmer closed his eyes in frustration and hugged her tightly to him, they lay back down and remained still just hugging for a few more minutes, he couldn't believe he had blown it, he didn't know what else to do he just couldn't relax, he was so sure he would hurt her, or mess it up and she would hate him.

"Why don't we go have some dinner and a drink?" Paige asked, "We can just chill and relax a bit then come back"

Rimmer rolled his eyes, he could see she meant well but it felt like she was compensating for his failure. Turning back to face her he smiled again and kissed her, pushing her back into the pillow he slowed down and kissed her neck, Paige moaned with pleasure and began stroking his neck in such a way that she knew drove him wild, Rimmer moved back up to her mouth and kissed her harder, pushing himself against her he didn't care anymore, he had these strange feelings pushing inside him and didn't know what to do or how to get them out, it helped when he touched or kissed her.

It was clear to Paige that he was completely clueless, not that she thought of herself as an expert of sex or anything, she had slept with one person back home before she left to join the space corp and even that had been bumpy strange not really in love with each other sex. This felt different, each of his kisses raised a fire inside of her, each gentle caress had her aching for more, she didn't want to take control she knew it would be important for him to do but it couldn't hurt if she helped him a long a little bit surely?

Rimmer gasped as she took hold of him and stared down at her, he didn't want her to stop but he didn't know if he should say that or not, instead he opted for just kissing her again, Paige smiled as he buried his face in her shoulder and let out a series of guttural groans in response to her actions, kissing him again she smiled as he visibly relaxed and smiled back, "I love you" he whispered.

3 orgasms later and one nap they woke up wrapped around each other, Rimmer scratched his head and smiled down at Paige sleeping soundly. Curling back around her he tried to drift back off but he was too hungry, flipping back on his back he laid there picturing everything that had done over the last 2 hours, things he had never dreamt or, things he had never realised would feel that good. With a huge smile he decided Paige had enjoyed more than enough sleep ……

**Additional note from your lovely author - HUGE homage to Cazflibs at the beginning of my last paragraph, I totally stole that line from her amazing short ficcy 'Only the one' which is full of lovely Ace Rimmerness and lovely naughty suggestiveness. I do prefer sex-coma to** **'nap' but I cant totally rip off the line hahha X **

**P.s Thank you all for your amazing reviews, it really makes me happy and makes me write loads faster! X**


	19. Crash

"What you just did violates every catholic bone in my body" Paige teased lying on his chest, her hand was stroking his chest gently as they lay there quietly enjoying the warmth, she wondered idly if something really bad was about to happen because there was no way that all these things could go right for them, it went against the law that they lived by – sod's law.

"Meh you loved it and I didn't know you were religious" Rimmer yawned lifting her hand to his mouth and slowly kissing his way down the arm, Paige shifted onto her back and sighed with pleasure as he kissed her neck and nibbled on her nipples.

"Ow you idiot" she laughed pushing him away from her chest, "They aren't chewable! I am not practising really, brought up a Catholic and just felt out of the habit of church and everything. A few years in space gets you thinking though I suppose, is there anyone else there?" she looked down at him and smiled, "You may continue to kiss!" she ordered, laughing as he bit at her tummy and kissed around her belly button. Paige closed her eyes enjoying his touch and froze as she felt him kissing her thighs, "Rimmer?" she asked questioningly.

"I'm hungry" came a very confident reply, Paige gripped the blankets and stared at the ceiling, she felt herself tingling as he kissed her gently, lying back in euphoria she didn't talk any longer except for the odd squeak of pleasure and eventually a soft moan of pleasure that grew until she peaked and cried aloud. Rimmer popped his head up from under the blankets and looked just as shocked as she did, he couldn't believe he had just made her react like that with his tongue.

"I read about that – had no idea it would work out that good, I guess Lister's drunken stories have helped me in some way after all" he laughed, kissing his way back up her body, "Are you okay?"

"Shush" Paige ordered, she lay there quietly feeling the last waves of ecstasy wash over her only then did she open her eyes and smile up at him, "You are a keeper, and I really hope you don't get drunk and tell Lister all about us!" she murmured rubbing her hands up his arms and kissing him again. "Listen hun, I don't want to throw a blatant innuendo out there but I am hungry too, shall we get up and get some food?"

"What are we going to wear?" Rimmer looked at their heaps of dirty looking clothes on the floor and pulled a face.

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Rimmer stood in the lobby in the hotel they had previously entered and looked around, after a quick brainstorm he didn't look so out of place anymore, he still felt it but no one could tell or at least he hoped they couldn't. He pondered the last couple of hours and smiled, this place was so realistic he didn't really want to go back to the ship, why go back to all that agro and hard work when he could just stay here and give Paige everything she desired, he could have everything he wanted, a home, kids the whole package. Returning to the ship meant returning to death and all that came with it. Paige had become his life and he could have happily stayed here with her forever yet duty still pulled at him, part of him still wanted his pips, wanted to succeed and make her and his family proud of him. Not that he would get recognition from his father anymore but if he could just stay organized and try harder at becoming an officer he might just pull some self worth out of his years working for the Space Corps, part of his mind knew that he could get all of that from one wish here, but it wasn't really the same as really achieving something.

He shifted around and looked at his watch and smiled; typical woman was – of course- late. Feeling edgy he hoped she wouldn't be too much longer, maybe something had gone wrong with the game and she was ejected or something? He stared down at his shoe trying to think of any other reason that she wouldn't turn up other that himself, noticing a smear on his shoe he rubbed it against the back of his leg to shine it up some more, his tailor had dressed him up head to foot in a beautiful bespoke tuxedo even Rimmer had been amazed at the transformation in himself, he looked tall dark and mysterious. As if by magic a mirror covered the wall opposite him and he stared at himself a little longer, still shocked at how nicely he scrubbed up, he hadn't been too thrilled with what the hairdresser had done with his hair, he still preferred his clean cut side part to the fluffy scruffy style he was sporting now, Rimmer closed his eyes and smiled when he opened then he had and his perfect side part once more.

"Champagne sir?" a waiter offered Rimmer a glass which he accepted gladly and began rocking on his heels with boredom. "Come on Paige" he muttered under his breath. He could feel worry and paranoia eating away at him even though the responsible part of his brain was telling him she was on her way and she wouldn't leave him alone.

5 minutes later he was on his second glass of Champagne and really panicing now when out of the corner of his eye he saw a figure in the mirror, he watched the crowd part and stared at various other men who couldn't take their eyes away from her, as the figure drew nearer he began to recognise a very familiar smile, he spun round on his heel in shock. _Paige?_ He drank the rest of his Champagne quickly and placed the empty glass on the side he stepped forward and stopped, he wanted to watch her walk over, he wanted to watch the face on every man when they saw she was with the uncomfortable looking one in the background.

Paige held her clutch bag nervously, looking down at her dress she smoothed it down and tried to find Rimmer, the problem was all the men in the room were dressed in black, it wasn't as if he was wearing anything out of the ordinary. When she did spot him by himself in a corner her heart jumped up into her mouth, he looked so out of place and nervous in this sort of social event, yet she couldn't deny that his looking scared was part of what made him so irresistibly cute, every bozo in this place had a tux on and an attitude with it, Arnold was just being himself, a nervous wreck and she loved him for it, lifting her head high she started to walk determinedly towards him ignoring the wolf whistles and the offers of a dance from the aforementioned bozos she felt her heart thud as Arnold looked her way and flashed him a smile.

Rimmer cocked his head to the side and stared at her dress, black and tight it showed off far too much of her body, he could feel his groin responding as she walked towards him with a smile on her face, he met her eyes and felt butterflies rising up inside him, she really was his. Paige did a little spin as she got closer to him showing off the rest of her dress which was backless and dropped very low at the back, stopping in front of him she put her hands on his chest and kissed him softly on the lips. Rimmer watched envious men scowl and turn away and realised he had never felt happier in his life, for once he was the envy of others and he was in love and happy.

"You like?" Paige smiled linking her arm through his and motioning for some Champagne from the waiter who gave them two fresh glasses.

"Sorry ma'am I would love to talk to you, but I am waiting for my girlfriend, if she see's me talking to you I am dead meat" Rimmer grinned and slipped his hand round to stroke the small of her back, leaning over he kissed her on the cheek, "You look amazing" he whispered. "Too bloody good for me"

"That is complete rubbish, you look bloody beautiful as well, I just want to dress you in pink, lock you in a tower and look after you all my life" Paige laughed at his face as he digested this information.

"Trust me; I do not look good in a dress. Ask Lister"

"Oh I will" Paige winked, "What makes you think I don't already know about that? Shall we go find a table?"

Again as the game read their desires a waiter came along and showed them through to their table, after seating them he produced two menus and a wine list. Paige looked about the dimly lit room at the other elegant couples, the piano playing by itself in the corner and people dancing, Paige looked round at all the candles and couldn't stop smiling at the romantic atmosphere.

"This place is very posh" she nodded at the couple beside them who were elegantly eating caviar and oysters.

"Not two things I would put together!" Rimmer pulled a face, "I just fancy a steak or something. A good rare one, we never have steak on board. Mainly due to a lack of cows. Yep a steak it is! What are you going to have?"

A few minutes later they both had juicy steaks and a bottle of Red Wine in front of them, Rimmer held Paige's hand as they chatted idly about life and what they wanted to do on board Red Dwarf, Paige understood Rimmer's desire to succeed and decided to support him in anyway she could, personally she would be happy to help out where she could on board but did have a strange desire to learn to drive the ship, she would need to talk to Lister – perhaps see if she could be of use in the cock pit.

"I wish we could stay here forever" Paige sighed as the waiter cleared their table, "Such a shame. Imagine if we had met on earth?"

"Well seeing as I was dead before you were born and I would never pay £45 pounds for a steak I don't think we would have got along well" Rimmer laughed rising from the table and pulling out Paige's chair out for her. Taking her by the hand they walked from the restaurant and found themselves back on a beach, Paige stared at the moon and sighed, "This place really is perfect, especially with you. I have never had so much fun here"

Rimmer hugged her to him and kissed the back of her neck, taking off his jacket he draped it over her shoulders and cuddled her close as they sat staring at the stars, he knew it wasn't cold but it was just the done thing wasn't it?

"Can we go back to the hotel again?" Paige begged, "Just a few more hours?"

"Hmm I think we need to go back don't we" Rimmer frowned, "We have been in this game for over 13 hours and though we feel like we have eaten our actual bodies haven't – this is why you lost weight!" he lectured, "We will be famished when we get out. There was a whole debate about how dangerous this game can be to people who forget that it isn't real"

"Oh don't fret, Holly was taking care of me, he wouldn't have let me die or anything, but yeah 13 hours does sound a little extreme. Lets go home" Paige grinned.

They came round in the AR unit, lifting their helmets they both laughed as Paige's stomach rumbled loudly. Rimmer looked round the dark and dingy room and sighed, "Normal clothes, normal surroundings how bloody boring."

"Yeah but look" Paige straddled his lap and pulled her against her chest, kissing him passionately, "We still have that"

"Then I am a king" Rimmer grinned, "I am guessing you might not want to sleep in the officers quarters … Why don't I go and find us another room to bed down in and you can go beg Kryten for some food?"

Paige held out her hand and shook his, "Done deal"

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"Mr Lister, I think we have a problem" Kryten stumbled around the cock pit putting out fires left right and centre, "Mr Rimmer is going to kill us, he is actually going to kill us"

"Kryten we have more than one problem, Sod Rimmer we didn't know this would happen" Cat cried putting his coat out and checking the damage reports.

"Right, if anything we just tried to get out of their way so they could enjoy themselves without feeling awkward" Lister stared around Starbug and sighed, "She isn't getting off this moon is she?"

"Not a chance in hell sir" Kryten replied, "In fact I think our best chance is to take a look around the area and see what we can salvage. Worst of all is we didn't tell them we were leaving and I wouldn't trust Holly to remember to turn the oven off let alone tell them we went out to loot! We are stranded"

Lister rubbed a pain on his head and found blood on his fingers, it had been a pretty bad crash and for once he had been sober behind the wheel, they were all alive though and that's all that mattered. "Okay guys grab a weapon and pray that Arnold is as fast in bed as he is at procrastination, boys from the Dwarf are going in"


	20. Goit

Satisfied he had chosen the biggest and smartest quarters Rimmer fell backwards onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, he still couldn't quite get his head around how much fun the last day had been yet still couldn't master the fear that grew inside him that it could all be over one day. A terrible fear lay crawling around his insides that he was making a huge fool of himself yet whenever he looked at Paige it melted away and left only happiness and pride.

After leaving her in the corridor he had made his way to his shared quarters with Lister meaning to have a catch up and explain that he wouldn't be sleeping there tonight, deep inside he knew part of him wanted to gloat and boast that he would be spending his night and hopefully the next hundred nights in the arms of a woman that loved him, yet the couldn't find the smegger and settled instead for leaving a note pinned to a can of lager. Even though his body had essentially done nothing while he had been plugged into the game he felt mentally drained and closed his eyes, the bed felt warm and soft, he could feel himself drifting into that fuzzy comfortable zone before the brain shuts off and sleep takes over.

"I don't think so" Paige shouted kicking the door open with a tray of snacks and drinks "Wake up! You could have told me which room you were headed to, I had to wake Holly and ask him where your little light bee was emitting!"

Rimmer pulled a face at her and heaved himself up to his feet, taking the tray from her and placing it upon the table beside him, "Not bad hey?" he looked around the room and wondered why he and Lister hadn't decided to upgrade their rooms before now, "This one has a toilet in another room!"

"Luxury indeed" Paige said sarcastically whilst rolling her eyes, she grabbed a sandwich and chewed it thoughtfully, "You know I couldn't find Kryten anywhere, nor Lister. I am never able to find Cat so that doesn't worry me!"

"He's probably down in the vents trying to search for lady cats" Rimmer scoffed kicking his boots off, "He is such a sad bastard. Kryten is always in the laundry room and Lister will be in a lager induced coma somewhere, it is Tuesday after all"

"No I looked there. Nowhere to be found and I couldn't wake Holly again. Kinda odd don't you think?"

"Not really. Who cares anyway? They will be there in the morning to annoy me immensely so another night without them is a fine idea to me"

Paige stood watching as Rimmer unbuckled his jacket and flung it over a chair, sinking her teeth again into her sandwich she tried to look inconspicuous while obviously staring at his chest as he pulled his t-shirt off.

"You know its funny" she laughed, "In that game we could have imagined any body on each other, any at all, yet you are exactly as you were in the game."

Rimmer smiled and pulled her into a hug, "As are you. You are perfect to me as you are." Paige tried hard to swallow her mouth full of bread as he kissed her but ended up pulling away half laughing half choking and reaching for a glass of water.

"I just think it's nice that we could change everything with one desire and we didn't change each other" Paige placed her sandwich back and pulled her boots off. "Do you think we haven't really had sex? With it technically being in the game and not really with each others bodies?"

Rimmer's face dropped "Don't say that, I had enough performance anxieties last time, let alone me thinking we were only so good because we willed it!"

Paige smiled and stood on her tip toes to kiss his cheek "You were perfect then and you will be perfect again, stop being so angsty and worried you big girl"

"Oh great, now I am a girl" Rimmer half shouted unbuttoning his fly and pulling his trousers down, swivelling to land on the bed he tugged his socks off suddenly agitated inside that he would have to go through sex fear again. He felt Paige's arms slide around his shoulders and smiled as she turned him round to kiss her.

"Yes. You are being a girl"

RImmer spun and pushed her down onto the bed, pulling her trousers down round her ankles he fought her onto her back as she screamed with laughter and tried feebly to fight him off, "I will show you what a girl can do" he threatened tickling her then blowing a raspberry on her stomach. Paige recovered from her giggles and slapped him gently round the head.

"You are such an idiot" she chuckled pulling the rest of her clothes off and climbing into bed, she reached out her arms as he climbed in bedside her.

"Off" Rimmer called to the lights, pulling Paige close against his body he smiled at the very real feeling of a warm body next to his and closed his eyes, sighing with contentment he lay there stroking her back gently until he heard her breathing get heavier. Rimmer frowned, in his happiness to feel intimate and content he didn't realise she would get that comfortable and fall asleep while he lay with a tent pole desperate for another taste of her.

"Paige?" he whispered, nudging her slightly in such a way as he could claim he had to move if she woke and was angry, after a few more tries and zero response he tried to work out new methods of walking her slyly. One roll over to the other side …. Nothing. A loud fake sneeze … Nothing. Finally as a last ditch attempt he lay his lips upon her and kissed her gently, after a second he was delighted to feel her kiss him back gently, she was still asleep but it was a start, as he ran his fingers along her body he felt her kisses becoming more lifelike and forceful eventually she pushed herself against him and while she didn't say anything he knew she was awake by her longing pulls at his body and eventually her hands groping at his underwear. He couldn't see a thing in the pitch black but he found his way easily enough around her body, the game may not have been real but it certainly gave him enough confidence to continue without fear. Paige felt him pushing against her and groaned in need of him, "Arnold" she whispered, her voice turning him on even more as he kissed along her neck.

Rimmer kissed her on the lips once more, the smile on his face stretching from ear to ear as he held her close he felt her arch her back for him to enter her and whispered her name back happily.

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Holly kept his eyes from the main quarters as he looked around each room for life forms, he couldn't find Kryten, Cat or Lister anywhere and he so wanted to share the gossip that he knew Rimmer was getting his end away. After bonking his head against the screen a few times he tried to remember what the message was that was whirring unseen around the back of his head. Something was different, something important, something he should be telling the fornicating couple in the Captains quarters. Yet he couldn't think what it was, instead he decided he would ask Lister what he had to tell Rimmer and until Lister finally showed his face he would re-organise his memories in order of important, vaguely important, party pieces, party killers and downright boring.

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Paige rolled over and smiled at her memories until her eyes fell upon the clock, seven am. With a growl she turned back over and hid underneath the blanket reaching over she felt for Rimmer and found him absent, yet she could hear frantic breathing near her. Opening her eyes she found him doing sit ups on the floor.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked bleary eyed and still sleep fogged.

"Exercise" he said continuing with his regime, "Don't want to become a fat space bum like Lister"

"Lister isn't fat" Paige yawned turning back over and stuffing into her pillow, "And neither are you, why don't you just jog later or something?"

"What's wrong with now?" Rimmer frowned stopping and looking at the bed.

"Nothing, except I can hear you! Why on earth would you want to be on a cold floor doing that when you could be here keeping me warm"

Rimmer stared at the floor, his stomach and then the large empty space beside Paige.

"If you come back to bed I will tell Lister you did 100 sit ups and then wanted more sex"

Rimmer blinked, "Would you really do that for me?"

"If it shut you up and got my backside warm again I would tell him that you did 100 push ups with me lying on your back and that your penis was the biggest and most satisfying I had ever had the pleasure to come across"

Paige smiled as Rimmer's arms wrapped around her, "I knew I loved you for a reason" he laughed kissing her shoulders and cuddling round her once more, after almost swallowing most of her hair he managed to push it up our of his way and found himself asleep again in minutes.

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Holly had been staring at the note Rimmer had left for Lister for 3 hours now and still couldn't work out why Lister hadn't ranted to him about it. Then it occurred to him that he hadn't spoken to Lister for several hours and he felt his train of thought kick back in, when was the last time he had spoken to Lister? Holy mulled for a few more minutes then checked the black box.

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Rimmer yawned and rolled onto his back, he couldn't be arsed opening his eyes but his mouth felt like Ghandi's flip flop. Groping wildly into the darkness he found a glass of water and downed it in one, falling back into his pillow he pulled Paige towards him and cuddled into her back once more.

"Arnold" he heard a whisper and pulled a face in confusion, it certainly wasn't Paige's voice, he could hear her snuffly snore beside him.

"Arnold" the voice was a tad more urgent this time but he tried his best to ignore it anyway, then suddenly without warning he felt himself sit up and turn round, as much as she resisted he felt himself pulling on a pair of trousers and found himself stumbling to the floor, he wanted to shout out to Paige but was already convinced it was aliens set out to get him and couldn't speak for fear. Once he was out into the dark corridor the lights came on just as his new bedroom door closed.

"Holly you goit" he roared at the screen in front of him, "Don't you ever take control of my body again. I had no idea what was going to happen then"

"Well I couldn't wake you any other way could I? there's gratitude for trying to let Paige stay asleep. I should have just fog horned you both"

Rimmer nursed both of his temples in frustration and frowned, "What do you want?"

"We have a problem and I need your help."


	21. Debris

Lister stared around the engine rooms and sighed, all of their attempts to repair Starbug's thrusters had failed, and even now he couldn't really piece together what had happened, all he knew was that after Rimmer and Paige had retired Kryten, Cat and himself had been bored and decided to take Starbug out for a spin around the nearest moon to kill a few hours, Cat wanted to practise his parallel parking and Lister recalled wanting to see how many spins he could achieve in one skid whilst bouncing around the orbit he wanted to top his high score of seven!

Somewhere between both those ideas they had woken up on the dashboard dazed and confused, Kryten's best thought was that they might have hit a rogue asteroid and been sucked into the gravitational pull of the moon they had been circling, yet Starbug had no damage besides the thrusters and even that was due to a shaky landing that none of them could remember making.

Long story short they had destroyed their thrusters, therefore they couldn't take off, and worst of all their radar had picked up life forms upon the moon and they had no weapons to speak of besides Lister's socks.

Dragging his feet along the floor Lister made his way back up to the cockpit and collapsed into his chair, he lay there for a while staring out into the darkness and hoping Kryten would hurry back, the mech had taken it upon himself to leave the Bug and go locate the life signs to find out if they were a threat to them or could help them, in Kryten's opinion he was disposable and worst comes to worse a lot easier to repair than Lister or the Cat. After a heated argument Lister let him go but didn't feel comfortable about it, he didn't Kryten as some repairable toy, he was a friend, he thought of his life as important as anyone else's on board but there is no arguing with wired in software.

Cat was sitting quietly in the corner staring out of the window and shivering, Lister was worried about him – he knew Cat didn't like being closed in a place with no exits, Lister was slightly annoyed he had to stay firm but it wasn't as if Starbug wasn't big enough to move around in and feel comfortable, as for the Cat he wasn't claustrophobic as such he was just a stubborn individual who hated being told what to do and hated not being able to slink out of the door when he chose to, yet they were under strict orders not to leave the Bug so together they sat waiting for any word from Kryten. It had been 26 hours now and it felt eerily familiar to Lister.

"Aye, Cat do you remember when I was marooned for days with Rimmer? You and Kryten had to come and find us. That was a bloody nightmare I can tell you. Least we are together on this one hey?"

Cat just stared at Lister he smiled briefly and continued to sulk quietly, nothing was going to cheer him up today when he thought of all his suits he had planned on dying with and here he was stuck alone with a monkey.

Lister knocked his head against his chair a few times and stared at the ceiling, he would never say it aloud but he wished he were stuck with Rimmer now instead of the Cat, oblivious to cold and hunger Rimmer had devoted the days spent stuck with Lister to keeping him sane, at least Rimmer spoke to Lister and kept him awake, Cat seemed to be furious that he was in this situation and refused to co-operate in anyway. It didn't really surprise Lister as the Cat on the whole was a hugely selfish creature but Lister didn't know how to make Cat or himself loosen up and feel better.

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Paige jumped down from Blue Midget with a thud and took her first glance of the moon, 'Bloodyhell' she whispered under her breath. It was cold, dark and miserable and they were its redeeming features, "Rimmer hurry up" she called impatiently towards the door, "We need to find them fast"

"I'm coming" Rimmer growled, still slightly angry at being pulled out of bed, out of her arms and now being sent on a hell bent mission to find three idiots, "I don't see why we should rush just because those idiots decided to go on a joyride" Paige watched his features drop as he finally looked around the moon. Panic flooded his eyes and worry etched every line on his face. "Paige, this place does not look good."

"It will be okay Arn" she smiled squeezing his hand, "You can't die, I am near impossible to kill and we have guns and sticks and food. I just pray the others have the same"

"Paige I don't like this, I want you to stay on Blue Midget! What if there are things out here that want to eat you?"

"Rimmer – I am not leaving them and as much as I respect you I am not a member of the Jupiter Mining Corporation so I don't have to listen to your orders" Paige turned to hug him, "Just think, we can find them, you will be a hero and we can go home. It is as simple as that. Plus lets face it you would curl up in fear alone out there"

Rimmer pulled a sarcastic face and squeezed her hand, after a few minutes he nodded, inside he was still uncertain and felt very much on edge as they set off cautiously checking their scanners every few minutes for any sign of life.

"Lister?" Paige cried into the gloom, Rimmer winced and pulled her behind him.

"Shush" he almost shouted at her, "What if something else hears you?"

Paige rolled her eyes and shrugged him off, Rimmer glared at her and turned back in the direction she shouted, silence. "Right" he looked about wildly, "Just .. lets not shout okay? We can just continue nice and quietly, find Lister, kill Lister and make it home in time for dinner"

Paige squeezed his hand affectionately again and walked alongside him as they made their way around the rocks looking for any sign that Starbug had been here, the terrain was sporadic one minute it was boggy and they sank into it, the next it was rock solid and steep, after over half an hour of them trodding along half pulling each other and catching each other when they tripped they stopped and looked around in despair.

"This isn't right" Rimmer frowned, "We should have found something by now. A sign of them, a sign of Starbug, a sign of some sort of lifeform? Something"

"Rimmer" Paige whispered.

"I mean honestly, I am sure we have passed this rock twice already. I have a feeling we are just going in circles"

"Rimmer" Paige pulled on his sleeve to get him to face the way she was facing.

"What Paige?" he half shouted spinning to face her, he heard a grunt to his left and slowly turned to see what had caused Paige's face to turn that ghastly shade of white.

Rimmer gulped, "Bugs?" he whispered holding Paige's hand tighter. "Have they seen us?"

"I..I don't think so" Paige stammered as they slowly lowered to the ground, crawling on their fronts they curled tightly behind a rock and watched them.

The nest of bugs swarmed from under the ground each as big as a car yet with the mental capacity of a cockroach, which wasn't exactly ironic since they couldnt have been fat distant cousins. Rimmer watched them circulate around as if they were searching for something, he could spot the workers from the warriors. The smaller less dangerous looking ones seemed to taste the ground; every so often one stopped and put its head against the surface as if it was listening for something. The warriors of the clan stood aside and waited, huge and intimidating they looked fearsome, equipped with large sharp spikes in place of what humans would use for arms, Rimmer watched in horror as a few of them got bored and mutilated one of the workers for fun.

Turning back to Paige he bit his lip and closed his eyes, there were just too many of them, "Okay, they are between us and Blue Midget. They seem to be looking for something, do you think they know we are here?"

"Insects." Paige closed her eyes and thought hard, "They live underground and wait for vibrations to bring them to the surface, StarBug landing, Blue Midget landing .. Even our footsteps along the floor will have woken them and alerted them to our presence. I think we should sit tight until they move off"

"Yet if we move they will hear us?" Rimmer half cried, Paige winced as he grabbed at his chest and wheezed. Jumping to action she held him and stroked his back. "We're finished!" he cried feeling his chest squeeze tighter and tighter.

"Shush. Breathe, just take a few minutes okay? Breathe. Its going to be okay. Look we sit and wait, see what they do if they go back down we sneak very very quietly back to the midget and try contacting the others again. Us being out here on foot is too dangerous"

Rimmer felt the pain in his chest relaxing as he lay against her and tried to calm himself. "I don't breathe but thanks anyway" he mumbled. "Sorry I am such a coward"

"Tut. Don't be silly, we all get scared. I am hardly relishing this idea" Paige smiled, kissing his forehead and peeking over the rock, as she looked up she screamed in alarm as she found herself face to face with a bug. Its shiny clear eyes scanned her over, its feelers reaching towards her face she tried to remain as still as possible.

"Get away from her" Rimmer cried cocking his gun and blowing the bugs head clean off.

Paige stood looking utterly disgusted with everything in life as bug brains splattered in her face. Rimmer jumped forward and wiped it from her face, pulling her back down he pulled her close and hugged her tightly.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"We are going to talk about that later … at length." Paige snarled picking some membrane from her hair, "As romantic and manly as that was I think we should move"

"Why?"

"Because every bug within 2 miles will have heard or felt that and surely be scuttling, slithering and clawing their way here right now"

"Fantastic" Rimmer groaned glaring at his gun.


End file.
